Stripping for James
by LillianLovesLennon
Summary: This is the first Harry Potter story I've done since...hmmm forever? So anyways, stuff starts to hit off in their 7th year and ::wink:: you have to read the rest.
1. The Revised first chaptersyay!

The Beginning of Lily and James Potter  
  
It was a humid Summer evening in the small English town where Lily lived with her Mother, Father, and cruel sister Petunia. As we focus in on the room we see large amounts of party dresses and teen magazines scattered haphazardly all around. A small mirror contained the reflection of a very beautiful girl. She had hair the color of muted scarlet and eyes almost as though they were reflections of emeralds ( or toads ^_-).  
  
This girl ( almost a woman by her counts) was none other than Lily-the-witch-wonder, or as her sister said "Lily-the-witch-blunder"….but she was just jealous. This story is crucial to the whole wizarding world…for this is the story of the parents who had…..The Boy Who Lived. But, let's not go that far, yet anyways…..  
  
Because before they were legends, they were teenagers…  
  
"Lily! Get down here now! Mummy wants a word with you!", Petunia's shrill echo cascaded over to the teenager.  
  
" Just 1 more week until Hogwarts…….I can wait that long……1 more week until I see him again…", Lily chanted to her bedroom mirror hopefully.  
  
"Why would anyone love a freak like me?", she sighed dramatically and prodded her red hair with disgust.  
  
A voice came from behind her. " Couldn't help overhearing that bit", Petunia sneered wretchedly. " I agree, why would they!", Petunia's horse-like face contorted into a hideous grin.  
  
Lily pushed her way past her sister and hopped the lanky stairs two-at-a-time. On the way down she looked at the different family photos that hang precariously from each stair. There was pictures of her and Petunia at the beach as babies, school pictures of Petunia, and a family photo with both her parents hugging Lily while Petunia tried to strike a model pose in the corner ( sadly, her body got cut off in the print. All that was proof of her in the picture was her grotesque shoes).  
  
Lily made her way around the big fluffy green couch that took up half of the tiny living room and walked into her parents room with a very sweet, "Hello Mummy".  
  
Lily's mom had a classic beauty. Most of her features passed on to Lily making her almost the spitting image. Her mum had long flowing eyelashes that took form on her pale skin and twinkling eyes. She was always understanding and knowledgeable for any topic. When Lily got her Hogwarts letter all she said was ," How wonderful dear! This calls for a party!".   
  
Come to think of it, Lily mused, Everything seemed to require a party in her mom's point-of-view. She was just that way, a socialite and a sweetie.   
  
Lily's Father was a well educated man. He was always making jokes and freaking out when Lily had a date. He would often open the door and interrogate the poor boy to tears with unavoidably cruel questions such as, " Have you ever thought of my daughter naked?", and "Do you know what happens with unprotected sex?". Then after the boy's lip began to tremble he would lighten up and invite him in for tea and small talk.  
  
"Lily dear…", Lily was snapped from her thoughts, "Have you gotten your shopping done for school yet?"  
  
" Not yet mum, but we still have a week left.", she twirled her hair idly as she stared back at her mother lazily.  
  
"Well dear, problems have come up with your great-aunt and your father and I are going to take Petunia up with us and visit her for a month or so. We'll leave you money and you'll be on the honor system to get to school.", she winked at Lily cheekily.  
  
"Wow, Mum…", Lily found herself wondering if she should say ' I'm sorry' for her Aunt's sickness, or ' Thank Goddess!' for her own private time for awhile.  
  
" Just make sure all boys leave the house at 11.…… no WILD out-of-hand parties, just the decently great ones." , Her Mum kissed her cheek and started to slowly pack her bags.  
  
Petunia crept in to the room and looked upon Lily as though she was filth from the dustbins. Her bony cheeks were sticking out so much that a tea cup could've fit snugly on top of them without spilling a drop. Where Petunia's brash ugliness snuck in from a family of great beauty was a mystery to Lily.  
  
" So mother told you ,right.", It was not a question as Petunia circled Lily as if she were prey, " Suppose you'll have that lot of freaks come over for fun and such….".  
  
" Yes, and I'll make sure to tell them to come back and hang out with you and that fat tub of stupidity you call a boyfriend", Lily grinned innocently as Petunia screamed in the horror of seeing a wizard up close.  
  
' If only they would go already! I could have a party tonight…. I'll invite the whole gang…. We can spend the last week of Summer here…fabulous…', these thoughts kept hovering over Lily as she awaited the final slam of the door from Petunia and called goodbyes from the driveway. It was time to have the last bit of Summer fun.  
  
Within an hour Lily had written out all the invites and waited anxiously by the fireplace knowing that they would arrive by floo powder. She had just gotten her family hooked up to the Floo Network last month. She had to write so many forms to the Ministry that she almost gave up deeming it not worth the struggle.  
  
At half past 10 her friend Ginger Parvati showed. They started to talk of what o do the coming week and who to invite to parties and all the useless things teenage girls fluff on about.   
  
20 minutes later Peter Pettigrew stumbled out of the fireplace and broke the coffee table as he landed square on it. With some spell-o-tape and regular duct tape the repaired it sloppily and started to talk again. Peter was a year older then Lily as was the rest of the group…   
  
40 minutes passed as Peter tried to make popcorn setting off numerous fire alarms (which scared him to death because he had no clue as to what they were or why they were yelling at him), and they started to play poker.  
  
At last Remus Lupin showed up and they all greeted him warmly.  
  
" Hey Moony! What's happening?", Lily batted her eyes and pretended to flirt. Remus was like her older brother in so many ways and took the jest in stride.  
  
" Oh Lillers, you just wish you could have a piece of me. I'm so charming, and witty, and handsome, and-"  
  
"Modest?", Ginger snorted into her punch.  
  
"Why yes, I was about to say that myself! Are you taking divinations?", Moony feigned surprise bringing his hand up to his mouth and looking the world like a fish without air as bulged his eyes.  
  
Peter was about to say something when a loud rumble was heard down the block and started to get closer. The glasses on the lopsided coffee table were jiggling their contents as the four looked shocked at the disturbance.  
  
" It'll wake up all the muggles for miles!", Peter peeped.  
  
" What is that?", Moony peered out of the window.   
  
" For Christ's Sake, what the hell are they doing?", Moony goggled at something that was roaring towards the house.  
  
He sat down and sighed deeply. The others just looked at him and after a moment Lily prompted him.  
  
"Well…. What is it?"  
  
" James is here… so is Sirius… they seem to have a floating motorbike and they're parking it on your lawn.", Remus sighed sympathetically and Lily fell out of her lounge chair.  
  
"I'll kill them both."  
  
************AUTHOR NOTES********** Who hoo- revised chapter one complete! I've decided to make it all one big chapter for convenience (mine not yours lol), sooooooo READ ON LOVELY READERS!  
  
  
  
Stripping for James - Chapter 2  
  
" Now Lillers, best not to act to harsh. They are thickheaded majority of the year", Remus swiftly caught Lily by the waist as she tried to go tell off the boys who were sure to get the Ministry of Magic swooping down on her any second.  
  
" Those two are as stealth as Peter is coordinated", Ginger tossed her blonde hair in a giggle ( she quickly stifled it as Lily shot daggers ).  
  
"Perhaps they will have an explanation?", Peter meekly put in his cents worth.  
  
Lily wriggled free of Remus' wolf-like grasp and spat out, " THOSE TWO HAVE EXPLANATIONS FOR EVERYTHING!".  
  
While Lily started to huff in big gulps of oxygen, James and Sirius banged open the door sharply. It did not look good. As the stumbled in they had arms slung around each others shoulders and they were snickering madly. James' usually already tussled hair was at the point of sticking straight up, creating a sort of English Punk look. Sirius had a black eye and a fat lip. They were..  
  
" DRUNK!", bellowed Lily unable to keep her cool.  
  
"Pshhhhhh.", James looked stupidly around, " Don't tell Lily! She'll kill us!".  
  
Sirius nodded his head rigorously which almost threatened to topple him onto the floor, he steadied himself against James and grinned toothily.  
  
Remus quickly took hold of the rapidly dangerous situation. He steered James and Sirius to a nearby couch and pushed them down, then he took hold of Lily and before she knew what was happening Remus had tied her nimbly to a chair.   
  
"What ARE you doing Remus?", Lily tried to flail but she was held fast by the rope (a/n: where'd it come from? I dunno!).  
  
Remus gulped under Lily's intense stare but explained with honest dignity. " I had to put them on the couch before they fell and broke their Quidditch limbs and I tied you up…", Remus looked away.  
  
" Because Sirius is beat up badly enough for tonight and they probably wouldn't remember whatever you were about to do anyways.", Remus finished lamely.  
  
There was silence ( well ,ALMOST silence if you didn't count James slurs about his cousin-in-laws encounter with a rainbow striped dog named " Afro Ken" something or other.) that seemed to engulf the whole room and possible the house as Lily projected her rage now also at Remus.   
  
" Um…Me and Peter will be off to bed now.", Ginger took the awestruck boy with her hand and they marched up to their guest rooms.   
  
Remus went to brush stray ribbons of Lily's hair out of her piercing eyes.   
  
" Traitor.", Lily pouted .  
  
" Oh, don't worry about me. I'll rip off the restraints and let you at them in the morning.", Remus put on a mischievous smile and excused himself to bed.  
  
Lily was stuck staring at the slurring idiots as they tried to drink the empty bottle in Sirius hands. They seemed to focus their wobbly vision on her flaming hair and bad temper.  
  
" OY! Hey Lily! Did I ever tell you that you are gor-gor-gor…fucking hot!", James cat-called from the couch while nudging Sirius haughtily.  
  
" Ohhhhhhhhh!", Sirius cooed from his spot.  
  
" You drunk bastard…wait until the morning…Lucky you have such a loyal friend on your side.", Lily spoke under her breathe and Sirius stopped contributing sound effects.  
  
" Whassat?", James swung his head obviously attempting to get up.  
  
" I'll just come to you shall I?", James clumsily got up and staggered towards the helpless Lily.  
  
Sirius passed out and started to snore almost as loud as his bike.  
  
" 'Ello Luv!", James' accent thickened by alcohol which Lily could smell on his breath.  
  
Before Lily could make any sort of action to protest, James sat on her lap with two legs on either side of her chair-bound arms. Then he leaned in an attempted to give a particularly angry Lily a French kiss. Not a good choice, As James expertly slid in his tongue Lily eagerly bit it.  
  
James didn't even feel the pain but he sat up with a dreamy look on his already dazed face.   
  
" Whoa.", were his last words before falling onto Lily's shoulder and closing his eyes.  
  
" Just great, blood.", Lily tasted James' blood on her tongue and noticed it smeared all over her cheek.  
  
Within an hour Lily dozed off unknowingly setting her head on top of James's .  
  
******MORNING ROLLS AROUND********  
  
Remus clamored down the steps to go and untie Lily true to his word. Ginger and Peter came out of their bedrooms and looked still asleep, no one wanted to miss the Great Lily Chew Out.  
  
" What's for breakfast mates?", Peter groggily asked when they all stopped suddenly at the sight that beheld them.  
  
" Perhaps they aren't just friends?", Ginger stared unbelievingly.  
  
*************AUTHOR NOTES**********  
Second revised chapter! I'm on a roll, hell yeah! They're in the 7th year if your wondering…I deleted and changed around a whole bunch and the next three chapters will have been edited almost into a completely different story, so if you have no clue what's going on and you just read the un-revised story, well my friend…read on.  
  
Stripping for James - chapter 3  
  
-Black Eyes -  
  
Remus snuck behind Lily and unwound her tangled arms. He then slowly shook awake Sirius who was clutching an empty bottle of Firewhiskey and still sporting those hideous bruises.  
  
"Wake up.", Remus prodded Sirius with his wand, while trying to keep his voice down.   
  
"Snuggle Bunnies?", Sirius mumbled and woke with a start.  
  
"Fuckin' Hell, why's it so bloody bright in here?", Sirius moaned ignoring the frantic gestures to keep quiet by his three friends.  
  
"What the hell are we keeping all hush for? Where's Prongs, I bet he's more than a tad hung over at this point.", Sirius blearily looked where Peter was pointed and stopped blabbering.  
  
"Erm…What did those two do last night?", Sirius whispered out of the corner of his mouth.  
  
" Oh yeah, be quiet now you great mutt!", Ginger glared and they saw James twitch.  
  
James slowly worked himself awake and opened his eyes to all four of them staring straight at him. He sat up and heard a soft sleepy groan as he slowly turned his head to see what he was sleeping on.  
  
"Bloody HELL!", James jumped off Lily and she also awoke looking confused and startled.  
  
"Whassat? Five more minutes Mom…No! Petunia's lying, she lit her own closet on fire! Dancing apricots.. * mumble, mumble*", James watched Lily drift back into slumber, then he turned to his friends.  
  
"What happened? Last thing I remember I was at Bristol Pub…now I'm snogging with Lily?", James instinctively raked a hand through his jet black hair while trembling.  
  
Remus stood up and motioned all of them to follow him into the kitchen. Once there he shut the door and tried to explain as much of the story as he knew.   
  
As he went along Sirius filled in that him and James went for a little drink ( "You're only 17 you guys!", Ginger snapped.). Apparently they downed a little to much of the stuff as they were suddenly in a bar brawl. James managed to keep clear of all fists and objects, whilst Sirius took on a brute 4 times his size.  
  
Sirius decided to take off on his Grandpa's Birthday present to him, the flying motorcycle, right after the massacre with him and the ogre.  
  
" Then you guys swaggered in here and Lily nearly strangled you both had Remus not saved you.", Peter finished after the two boys declared the end of their memory.  
  
"Ahhh good Moony, we could always count on you to hold the boys up!", Sirius patted his stomach in hunger and started to get up.  
  
Remus pushed him down again.  
  
" I only saved you from her LAST night…You have to get by her yourselves when she wakes up.", Remus had a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
  
"Fuck…", James almost whimpered at facing Lily who was known for her rage that went well with her flaming hair.  
  
"Speaking of our red-haired ,sister-like, YOUNGER friend…James", Sirius whipped his head on his friend evilly. " What did you do to her while she was all helpless and tied up last night?".  
  
The whole room paused at this…No one seemed to know the answer, not even James. The only person, in fact, that knew this was sleeping with very bruised ankles and wrists in the next room.  
  
"Hmmm James?", Ginger grinned.  
  
"Yes Ginger..", James grimly waited something stupid to come from Lily's best friend.  
  
"You know what Lily would love considering you totally screwed up her innocent evening last night? In fact you know what would make her probably forgive you without causing any harm?", Ginger stopped provocatively knowing she had their ears.  
  
Remus was emerged in a cooking book trying to decide what he could use in the kitchen to make breakfast. Peter was fascinated with a lone spider crawling submissively across the wall. James and Sirius, however, had their eyes intensely focused on Ginger awaiting every syllable from the blonde-headed Ravenclaw.  
  
Ginger leaned in and whispered into the gap between both boys.   
  
"Great idea….for a former Spice Girl", Sirius showed all his teeth while he smiled. (a/n: I know, I know they weren't around then…but hey I had to pay homage to them! C'mmon people! ::sigh: )  
  
"I don't know…", James mulled it over in his head.  
  
"No time to think now Jamisie! Go get the stuff!", Ginger shooed them out of the back door and closed the screen.  
  
The two boys ran past the motorcycle that several neighbors were looking at through their blinds, and seemed to be in a race to see who could get to the store first.  
  
" Wow, you're so tiny!", Peter stroked the spider ignoring the strange looks from his girlfriend and friend.  
  
Remus cracked some eggs and got out some toast.   
  
"GOD DAMN!", Peter screeched at the wall.  
  
"Shhhhh! You dumb idiot, you'll wake Lily! Do you want to deal with her angry?", Ginger snapped (author: ahahahaahahaha get it? Ginger snaps! *cough*…never mind ::blush: ) at Peter.  
  
" It bit me!", Wormtail's eyes were glazed over with tears as he nursed his swollen finger.  
  
"Stupid git.", Remus muttered while maneuvering toast on the griddle.  
  
"What's that Moony?", Peter looked up.  
  
" Oh nothing good friend", Remus showed his teeth good spiritedly.  
  
Ginger was examining a vase when a scream pierced the lazy atmosphere.  
  
The vase fell and shattered.  
  
Peter started to cry.  
  
Lily had awoken.  
  
*************AUTHOR DROOL********  
Yes…..MORE CHAPTERS ARE REVISED! ::holy music:: I had to delete all the former author notes because they make no sense now…so I get to fill them in with this! ::points to a grumpy Sirius wearing a sombrero:: Show them the dance! "Do I have to?"  
  
YES! DO THE DANCE OR I'LL WRITE THAT YOU AND PETER MAKE OUT!  
  
::Sirius does the Mexican Hat Dance unenthusiastically:: See! That's my special treat for those of you that review lol!  
  
Stripping for James ^_^  
Chapter 4- Presents  
  
"Where are they?! First I'll maim them , then I'll put them in a cage and POKE them until they die!", Lily fumed into the kitchen and looked around.  
  
"Okay, which way did they run?", Lily tried to smile but it shone through as painful.  
  
"Miss Evans, have a seat and your breakfast will be served.", Remus once again pushed her into a chair.  
  
Peter and Ginger sat down across the table.   
  
"Lily, honey, the boys will be back any second now…then you can strangle them.", Ginger cooed while trying to calm her twitching friend.  
  
"Oh, I just want to go after James.", Lily gritted her teeth and swallowed her anger.  
  
Peter bluntly asked what they all were wondering.  
  
" Hey Lils, just what did James do last night?".  
  
Lily showed them the blood all over her robes and smeared on her cheek as she explained. (a/n: funny they didn't notice it before eh?)  
  
"YOU BIT HIM?", Remus was laughing so hard that the scrambled eggs he had on a spatula were shaking all over creating a raining breakfast effect all over the table.  
  
" Ow.", Peter sympathized , the spider's bite probably still in his memory.  
  
Remus placed orange juice on the table and they began to eat. Lily was feeling a little more content than she was 1o minutes ago, actually she didn't feel much anger at all. All those thought of throttling the dark haired James were suddenly gone. Life was good. Fuck that, life was superb.  
  
"Wow, I feel so optimistic now", Lily smiled in mirth as Peter grinned mischievously.  
  
"What shall we do today?", Ginger scarffed down her food quickly.  
  
"Well, I still need my stuff for Hogwarts…but we can do that tomorrow. Today let's have a party!", Lily chuckled as Remus watched in disbelieving curiousness.  
  
"So Lily.", Remus had his sandy-blonde bangs fall in his blue eyes, "You will get all drunk and stupid tonight, but last night it was unacceptable?".  
  
"Yup!", Lily heaped more French toast on her plate happily.  
  
Peter motioned to whisper in Ginger's ear.  
  
Ginger then looked shocked and whispered in Remus' ear.  
  
"Cheering charms? Good idea, Wormtail!", Remus blurted out and looked quickly to Lily.  
  
She just kept munching on her toast, seemingly content with life in general.  
  
Then James and Sirius walked carefully in the back door. They had panicked looks on their faces but had each forced on a gigantic grin. Both also a bag behind their backs.  
  
"SURPRISE!", They yelled at Lily's back and she dropped her fork and held her hand over her heart.  
  
"Hey James! Hiya Sirius!", Lily beamed at them cheerfully.   
  
They were in shock as to why their attempted murderess was being so calm when Remus whispered in the little secret.  
  
" It's so cute James!", Lily giggled at the big stuffed panda she had gotten.  
  
James grinned stupidly and gave Ginger a thumbs up which she sarcastically returned.  
  
"Ohhh Sirius thanks you soooo much!", Lily held up a box of her favorite chocolate creams.  
  
"You were right, candy and stuffed bears gets them every time.", Sirius whispered to the all-knowing Ginger.  
  
After the other boys ate some quick breakfast the party plans were mentioned.  
  
" Fabulous! We can invite all the people from our class!", Sirius choked on a bit of ham and reached for the orange juice.  
  
"Ohh we can play strip poker!", James went off in his dream world thinking of hundreds of naked girls giggling.  
  
Over the next hour the party plans gave way.   
  
Sirius and Lily had to send out all the invitations, Sirius wrote letters on all their combined 5 owls and Lily phoned all the muggle born or half-bloods.  
  
James was paired with Remus to come up with the whole decoration department…which would later be foresighted as a big mistake…  
  
"So you really think that the naked dancing Veela girls are tasteful?", Remus queried his partner in crime while throwing up more streamers.  
  
"Yes, yes I do Mr. Lupin.", James tried to sound serious but was quickly broke into a laughing fit.  
  
Peter and Ginger were given the mission of gathering food (and booze, Sirius nudged).  
  
Hopefully, no one would arrive on a flying motorbike.  
  
*******************AUTHOR NOTES**************  
  
I love you!  
  
Stripping for James- Chapter 5  
  
- The Party-  
  
All five of them (James, Ginger, Peter, Sirius, Remus, Lily) sat half-asleep on the living room couches. People would be arriving any minute now and Lily was anxious to get the whole thing underway. Ginger had changed into a very hootchie (a/n: okay "hootchie" sort of means sluttish but it's a nicer way to say it…maybe it's just California lingo?) sort of outfit. This consisted of red high heels, miniscule top, and barely there shorts……rumor was she was trying to seduce Johnny Wood the Quidditch captain from her house (a/n: yeah so Oliver wasn't in Rvenclaw but too bad!).  
  
"Um Ginger?", James was trying not to snigger because it would no doubt earn him a smack from one of the females.  
  
"Yeah James?", Ginger rolled her eyes prepared to answer a idiotic question.  
  
"So, do you charge by the hour or night?", Sirius found this hilarious and both him and James guffawed for several minutes.  
  
"Wankers.", Ginger mumbled as she got up to go get the doorbell.  
  
The first guest was a 3rd year Ravenclaw named Genna something-or-other.   
  
Then came two 6th years from Gryffindor. Lily smiled as they introduced themselves ."I'm Cedric, and my best mate Amos.". Those two obviously hadn't waited 'til the party to have some drinks.  
  
After about 40 odd guests came Lily was starting to wonder how they all heard about the party. Most of these people she had never even seen before…Maybe James invited them? She'd have to find him and ask.  
  
"Yes, I am the captain of all four of the Quidditch teams!", Sirius slurred to a bunch of fawning 3rd years.  
  
"Have you seen James?", Lily asked futilely as Sirius just kept going on about how hard it was to play as two teams seekers at once but he managed because, "that's how great I am."  
  
On her way upstairs Lily got offered a little black bottle from a Hufflepuff 6th year. He motioned for her to swig it all down, and Lily being well…Lily, thought nothing strange of it's contents and chugged it.  
  
All the people on the stairs whopped and hollered…Lily had no idea as to why that was such a big accomplishment until she reached the top stairs.  
  
Lily found herself stumbling daftly trying to get to a door handle…Her last half-sober thought was that the black bottle had probably contained some sort of magic in it.. Maybe even a wizards version of a "roofie".  
  
"James? Helllllooo?", Lily couldn't help from stumbling and laughing at herself every two seconds.  
  
*************JAMES MEANWHILE***********  
  
'Hmm…I wonder if she's really read all of these books?', James scratched his chin looking at row upon row of textbooks on Lily's shelf.  
  
Overall her room was very girly looking. James vaguely wondered what all the screaming outside was when he caught his name being mentioned.  
  
"If Sirius is telling those 2nd years that I made out with Snape again, I'm going to kill him!", James vowed under his breathe before opening the handle and hearing a big giggle.  
  
Lily, who was stabling herself on the door handle, fell on top of James and they both tumbled to the plush carpet.  
  
"'Ello Lily.", James tried to untangle himself from the seemingly endless limbs draped around him.  
  
"Oh Potter…I LOVE YOU!", Lily pinned down James and she started to kiss a little trail on his neck.  
  
"Erm Lily…Are you okay? How much have you had to drink?", Lily's eyes were unfocused and she looked a bit cross-eyed.  
  
"Just one teensie-tiny black bottle.", Lily whined as James turned her away from kissing him.  
  
"Shit.."  
  
"Lily, this bottle, who gave it to you? Did you drink it all?", James noticed it was no use to question her as she slowly peeled of her clothes unfazed.  
  
Lily touched James on his ruffled hair and James felt himself grow drunk rapidly. James also had a half-sober last thought, 'Someone gave her Captain Crane's Contagious Concoction '.  
  
Lily and James could barely control their bodies as they gave each other slurpy kisses and grouped rather awkwardly. (a/n: so beautiful, drunk love…::sighs: )  
  
"You taste like coconuts", Lily whimpered as James started to rub up against her chest.  
  
"Well, you taste like strawberries!", James grinned into her stomach as she laughed oddly.  
  
Lily was in red bra and underwear, James was wearing his boxers. They had moved up to Lily's bed now and just as the underwear started to come off…they both fainted into a very alcohol induced sleep.   
  
*************************MORNING*************************  
  
James was one of the first people to wake the next day…  
  
"Bloody sunlight!", James shielded his eyes and throbbing head from the morning rays.  
  
As James made a motion to get up, he heard a soft moan and felt a little hand wrapped around his stomach. Almost surreally James slowly drew the blankets down. There was one of his best friends in her underwear clutching his arm.  
  
"Fuckin hell..", James tried to release himself and remove his body from the bed.  
  
"Mmmm?", Lily woke up and stared at him with bleary bright-green eyes.  
  
In that moment James felt a part of him he never knew of come alive. This just seemed right, her waking up and him returning the gaze with love. James could feel energy come between their bodies and he just knew something great was destined for them.  
  
"James? What happened to the party?", Lily unnoticing herself ¾ naked sat up.  
  
"Well, someone slipped you a bottle of Captain Crane's Contagious Concoction , I think… Then you sort of fell of me and they way that stuff works is that if you touch someone it like rubs off…So after that happened…Well…I um…woke up?", James found the loss of his memory disturbing, anything could've happened between them and he wouldn't get the pleasure to remember.  
  
"Oh okay.", Lily pulled a shocked James back on the bed and started to sleep on his chest.  
  
" Mental..", James couldn't hold back a mushy sigh as he watched her long hair bob up and down with his breath.  
  
Suddenly, the door flew open nearly flying off the hinges.  
  
"James, a Hufflepuff told he you had a hottie up here last night and I just couldn't wait to see……..", Sirius stopped his tirade as he glimpsed the fireball hair.  
  
******************AUTHOR***********  
::dances:: another chappy from me to you…I hope you like the next one…I had to completely re-write it because it made no sense…ZERO…well the punctuation made sense…  
  
Stripping for James- Chapter 6  
-Blushes and Ice Cream-  
  
Needless to say, the time spent before Hogwarts was extremely uneasy in the Evans house. Sirius kept giving Lily and James suspiciously knowing looks whenever they were within 10 feet of each other. They had managed to shut up Sirius from telling all the rest of the occupants in the small house ( James had to threaten to kill him with his broomstick several times.). Somehow, Lily and James got the impression that he had already told Remus, as he kept grinning cheekily between both of them.  
  
Lily and James tried not to speak of that little night time excursion, not because it was a horrible memory, but because they both secretly enjoyed every second of it…  
  
At long last the day came when they could put off shopping for school no longer…..  
  
"You guys almost ready?", Ginger stood at the bottom of the stairs yelling herself hoarse while fixing her hair quickly.  
  
"Mmmm yeah, yeah.", Lily mumbled to herself on the way down and she noticed Remus and Sirius coming after her.  
  
At the bottom of the stairs she realized that she had forgotten her shopping list and she spun around to run up and fetch it. She forgot that there was two rather tall wizards behind her as she walked straight into Remus and sent the two of them toppling down the last three steps.  
  
" Ow…jeez Lillers, where is your head nowadays?", Remus gasped trying to steal back the air knocked out of him.  
  
"I just forgot my list that's all", Lily huffed up and tried to go up the stairs again.  
  
This time she followed the trend and knocked another wizard over.  
  
"Shit, James are you okay?", they had held onto each other so neither would fall and Lily managed to bang James' back against the stairwell.  
  
"Yeah, fine. You okay, Lil?", James looked down at the small bundle in his arms and they seemed to stare at each other's eyes for days.  
  
A loud chorus of coughing seemed to engulf the room.  
  
"Oh, shut it Sirius.", Lily went to grab some toast leaving James on the stairs looking at his two best friends innocently.  
  
"Nothing going on, eh James?", Sirius nudged his friend in the arm grinning ear-to-ear.  
  
"What? We just sorta fell…could happen to anybody", James tried to walk past him but Sirius leaned in to whisper.  
  
" It did happen to Remus to, but she didn't start hugging HIM and all that", Sirius barely contained his grace as James motioned to swing at him.  
  
"Oh leave the lover alone", Remus, who never really teased anybody (owing from the fact that he gravely hated people teasing himself as a child), seemed to carry an all-knowing air as he strutted to go get some toast too.  
  
"Hmph…No respect for accidents", James walked solemnly after a skipping Sirius and went to join the group in a quick breakfast.  
  
**********************Diagon Ally*******************  
  
"So that was all pure accidental", Ginger asked for the ninetieth time while sucking on a sugar quill.   
  
"Yes, the kiss, the party, the stairs…All accidents I'm sure", Peter rolled his eyes as he repeated Lily's answer for her.  
  
"But are you sure? The way you two look at each other is-"  
  
"Like best friends do.", Lily finished laughing.  
  
They had gotten all their things and Ginger, Peter, and Lily were waiting at the ice cream parlor trying to waste time before the rest of the boys came. The chat turned to couples and Lily motioned to go get another cone. She didn't have a boyfriend at the moment and she wasn't about to fawn over all the people who did.  
  
"Excuse me.", Lily walked by two boys.  
  
"Not at all my lady", the one with the strangely dark gelled hair bowed.  
  
"Pass by any time", the blonde one gave a low whistle.  
  
"Oh hi, I didn't recognize you two.", She stiffened as they moved closer.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy, and this is my friend Serveus Snape.", The blonde one nodded to the other one dramatically. They knew who each other were perfectly well, Lily having been allies with their worst enemies, The Maruaders.  
  
"Pleasure. Yes, I've seen you before, Gryffindor I presume?", Snape stopped playing and glared behind her suddenly.  
  
"Yeah, how did you know?", Lily suddenly found an arm draped around her small shoulder.  
  
" These brutes bothering you honey?", Lily gazed into James' eyes and shook her head.  
  
"Nope, we were just talking", James didn't seem to hear what she said as he steered her to a private table far away from the Slytherins.  
  
They sat there in silence for awhile, both looking at the shoppers passing by.  
  
" Hello James", Lily broke the growing silence as she turned towards him.  
  
"Um…Lily I wanted to ask you something"  
  
"Yeah James?", she noted that he started to grow nervous and grew very intent on the wallpaper.  
  
"Wouldyoumaybewannasometimelikegoout?", Lily gaped at him openly…'was that a code word?'.  
  
"Erm…what?", Lily herself felt a bit nervous and started to play with her silver bracelet idly.  
  
' Just ask her again James. She has to feel what I feel right?', James seemed to make up his mind and he looked up as his blue eyes caught her emerald ones.  
  
"Lily, would you like to go out?", James sighed as he seemed to release liberal amounts of tension.  
  
"Sure!", Lily didn't even think as she automatically responded.  
  
"I mean, I know we've been friends since about a year ago and all, but-", James stopped himself and she saw his brain furiously trying to cope with what she just said.  
  
"I said, yes James.", Lily repeated slowly seeing it finally register.  
  
"Well then", he suddenly felt very alive and daring. "Since we're gonna go out I hope you don't mind if I do this."  
  
  
  
He locked his lips against hers and she smiled while they kissed. It felt odd in a way, yet familiar. True, Lily hadn't much liked James ( she only referred to him as Potter until last year), but once his head deflated a bit they were fast friends. Only now did she unravel that she had a crush on him since they first met, and while James dove his tongue inside her parted lips she couldn't help but think; 'Why does this feel so right but make me feel so sad at the same time?'.   
  
Just then a group of people came unto the star-struck lovers.  
  
"Just accidental, huh?" Remus smirked and the couple jumped.  
  
" Nothing happened!", James sat straight up and they laughed at his automatic reply. Years of being caught red-handed by teachers was still engraved into his memory.  
  
"We're Hogwarts' newest item." Lily's eyes shone and Sirius gave an unbelieving look.  
  
"You picked James over me?!", Sirius mock-fainted.  
  
********************* ON THE HOGWARTS TRAIN***********  
  
Lily sat dreamily in a plush red compartment aboard the train. Ginger seemed to be asking her a question and she forced herself to listen. All the boys said they had an appointment that had to be dealt with ( "Probably off hexing each other for a bit of fun", Ginger shook her head.).  
  
"Helloooo, Earth to Lily!", Ginger started to yell as her friend still had a simpering lovesick smile on her face.  
  
"Yeah, I'd go with the green robes…they match your shoes", Lily spoke distractedly and Ginger once again shook her blonde head.  
  
"What in the world ARE you going on about?", Lily snapped out of it and focused her eyes.  
  
"Nothing….just a bit preoccupied with beginning of school and all that", Ginger nodded and continued on about the latest witch fashions, Lily tuned the babble out.  
  
*********In another compartment****  
  
"Just stay away from the Gryffindor girls", Sirius spoke clearly to Serveus Snape.  
  
"Are you going on about that red-haired beauty? She didn't seem to mind us at all…in fact she seemed content to stay with us for a bit", Lucius Malfoy spat coolly while smoothing his hair.  
  
"You better not fucking touch Lily", James stepped forward and Remus pushed him back.  
  
"A little crush Potter?", Snape's eyes shone with delight.  
  
" Just making sure my friends don't wallow in your filth", James savagely spoke as Snape stood up.  
  
"Filth am I?", Snape raised his wand at James , but Remus was quicker.  
  
" Tennticoulus Restainus!", Remus emitted coils from his wand that snaked around the Slytherins and bolted them to their respective seats.  
  
"Nice job.", Sirius inspected the coils closely and then swung a punch at Snape, "Very nice job Moony.."  
  
" You'll pay for this!", Lucius Malfoy tried to look threatening and failed.  
  
"Overused line guys! C'mmon get some new material! Who's writing this crap for you anyways?", Sirius ducked out after Remus.  
  
"Punkillius Flamingous!", James left the two boys with neon pink Mohawks.  
  
Peter, who had stood motionless in the back , followed James out without a word.  
  
******************** back to compartment one...don't get lost******  
  
" Then I thought the yellow purse would go with the gold earrings, and we all know what a mistake that was", Ginger kept gabbing on about random fashion emergencies.  
  
"We're here!", Lily motioned to the train platform that lead up to Hogwarts.  
  
"You know, I wonder where the boys were the whole time?", Ginger grabbed a leather purse and stood up..  
  
" Hmm, I wonder why Dumbledore is waiting on the platform?", Ginger gave a final look out the window and left.  
  
*************AUTHOR CRAP*********  
  
GO ON AND READ SOME MORE….::puppy eyes:: please?  
  
Stripping for James- Chapter 7  
  
-The Rise of Voldemort-  
  
"Students that have already been sorted , may I have the pleasure of gathering you here!", Everyone shuffled out of the train and stood by the magically erected podium.  
  
Ginger had walked away without Lily, leaving her alone.  
  
For some reason groups of boys kept whispering in front of her and then turning around. When Lily smiled back, however, they just blushed and looked forward.  
  
'Weird Kids', Lily thought as she gazed upon the headmaster.  
  
***************** IN ANOTHER PART OF THE CROWD******  
  
"Anybody seen Lily?", James kept looking behind him to no avail.  
  
Remus distractedly fiddled with his wand.   
  
Sirius was checking out the first years and wondering if he looked that small once.  
  
But there was no Lily Evans anywhere.  
  
" Bugger .", James tried to hear Dumbledore over Sirius' singing of 'Mary had a Little Lamb'.  
  
********************** ALL EYES ON STAGE*********************  
  
" There has been a surge of power that has been previously encountered as well. This wizard is none other than Voldemort.", Dumbledore paused to let the rumors spread over the crowd.  
  
"He killed my cousin's uncle's grandma's sheep! I swear!".  
  
"I heard that he eats his victims!".  
  
"One time I swear I saw a leprechaun !".  
  
" Doesn't he have eyes like a snakes?".  
  
Dumbledore smiled down from behind his glasses as the students calmed down.  
  
"No doubt that most of you have heard one thing or another about this person. Well, the Ministry is taking heavy precautions….Some of them are starting this year at Hogwarts.", the orgy of people quieted awaiting the security measure.  
  
Dumbledore paused to pick some stray lint of his robes.  
  
" AH yes, we will have you all traveling in groups of four this year.", groans echoed off the station walls.  
  
" So without further waiting , let's get together our first group. Just pair up yourselves or come to the front to get randomly put in a group!", The students shuffled and chattered trying to find a good group.  
  
" OY! LIL!", Lily turned and saw James try to struggle through the surging crowd.  
  
They reached each other and they both gave each other a discreet kiss.  
  
The boys who had been watching Lily all glared at James. One of the group ran off and looked like he was about to cry.  
  
"Mental…", Lily smiled up at James and snuggled closer to his robes.  
  
Several people had come up and asked James and Lily to be in their groups respectively. They both turned them down hoping to get Sirius and Remus. As they were waiting a seventh year Hufflepuff boy came up and asked Lily to join him. After one swift glance at James' glare however, he left in a hurry.  
  
Several girls came bowing to James, but he didn't notice them.  
  
"Your fan club scares me.", Lily motioned to the disappointed girls.  
  
James grinned and looked back to the crowd.  
  
"Where do you think those wankers got off to?", James strained his eyes to see through the massive amounts of people.  
  
" Us Wankers?", Remus pushed his way through the people politely and smiled.  
  
" Yeah, where's Sirius?", Lily looked at her pale friend warmly.  
  
'He really looks bad today', Lily swept her eyes over the dark circles and messy sandy-blonde hair.  
  
" He's coming…was hitting on a first year, honestly!", Remus rolled his catlike green eyes and sighed.  
  
************************AFTER THE FEAST****************  
  
" I think I'm going to explode", Sirius dragged his feet and held his stomach limply.  
  
"Well you did eat about half of the feast", Remus wearily joked.  
  
"Where's our lovebirds?", Sirius tried to shift his stomach so it didn't feel like he was pregnant. ( a/n: ohhhhhh, that would make a good plot twist!)  
  
Remus pointed to the couple lagging about 50 feet behind them. They were in deep conversation and they kept giving each other puppy dog eyes and kisses.  
  
"Want to go to the Three Broomsticks on Friday?", Sirius offered.  
  
"No, I have to visit my mother tomorrow."  
  
********************* First Day of Lessons**********  
  
" Very good Potter! Gryffindor 10 points!", James easily transfigured the teacup into a rabbit.  
  
Lily on the other hand was having a bit more trouble.  
  
" Usagius!", Lily probed the teacup and it grew ears but little else.  
  
"Help me!", Lily whispered as Mcgonagall came around again to inspect the class.  
  
"Hold on…usagius!", James muttered out of the corner of his mouth just as Mcgonangall walked around.  
  
"Another nice rabbit! 10 more points thanks to Evans!".  
  
"Heehe Thanks Jamie", James looked disgusted at the Sirius-sounding nickname.  
  
" What? JAMIE? Are you trying to shred my masculinity piece by piece woman?", Lily snickered and nodded.  
  
"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.", James mushily looked at Lily.  
  
" POTTER! EVANS! STOP TALKING!", Lily and James both jumped and blushed furiously.  
  
" Hey! Lily can you have my children?", Sirius poked Lily with his wand.  
  
"Nope, sorry I'm having Jamie's !", Lily grinned at the face James made, something between horror and motion sickness.  
  
"To bad…such a waste", James started mock-dueling with Sirius.  
  
" POTTER! EVANS! BLACK!", They all looked guiltily down, except for Sirius who was making a face at Mcgonagall's back.  
  
"Honestly….7th years….head boy and girl….", Mcgonagall mumbled.  
  
"I wonder how long Remus will be gone?", Lily innocently wondered out loud.  
  
"Why?", James stammered.  
  
" Because I'm having an affair with him and I want him to visit the child!", Lily gave an exasperated sigh. " He's my friend too, you know".  
  
"Oh."  
  
" Hey James, want to bring your girlfriend down to you-know-where wearing the you-know-what tonight at you-know-when?", Sirius leaned closer and hinted to James.  
  
" I like when you talk like that…it makes me feel all knowing. Damn!", James tried to catch his rabbit who made a kamikaze dive off the desk.  
  
"Um Professor, I've had an accident.", Mcgonagall gave a dark look at James as his bunny was limping into the corridor.   
  
" Just like your father James", the class was interrupted by a loud BANG!  
  
"Oh Frank…", Mcgonagall put her head in her hands and tried to undo the hopping teacup with fangs.  
  
The class ended and James wheeled around to Lily with Sirius hovering in the background.  
  
"Hey sugar", Sirius blanched at the petname, "Want to go to the Three Broomsticks tonight?".  
  
"Um…Do I want to know how we're getting there?", Lily guessed the answer.  
  
"Well…um….", James tried to explain without people hearing.  
  
"No, you don't.", Sirius finished as they left for potions.  
  
*********************AUTHOR SHITAKI ***********  
  
Love peace and refried yeast…that's what some dorkass wrote in my yearbook…::smiles:: It is now 2:11 Am and I'm still revising this…I hope someone reads this or I'll cry ::sobs::  
  
Stripping for James- Chapter 8  
  
-Snazzy Snapalicious-  
  
"But honestly, Frank, you don't just STARE at a girl for 20 minutes!", Lily tried to explain proper dating etiquette to Frank Longbottom as they made way to potions.  
  
" It wasn't a stare per-say, more of a seducing stalkerish batting the-eyes sort of look.", Frank and Lily walked into the damp dungeons.  
  
"You do realize you just said the word 'stalker' right?", Lily put her hand on her flaming hair and sat down at an empty table.  
  
" Well….I thought girls like mystery in a man…Tell me what's more mysterious than a stalker?", Frank dropped his book bag clumsily and scrambled under the desk to get his things.  
  
"Dear goddess, my friend wants to be a girl stalker.", Lily carefully set up her potion kit and took out her workbooks.  
  
James and Sirius walked into the dungeon classroom giggling hoarsely. They both sat on either side of Lily and Frank moved to another table with Peter and Remus.  
  
"What pray tell is so funny?", Lily tried to look stern but the way they were giggling made her crack a smile.  
  
" Snazzy Snapalicious!", Sirius squeaked and went back to laughing.  
  
"What the fuck?", Lily looked over to James who was snorting in his hands.  
  
" Snape-a-licious! You know the magical leprechaun on muggle t.v.? 'Magically delicious charms!'.", James was trying to explain it to a puzzled Lily.  
  
" Have you two been snorting glue?", Lily asked suspiciously.  
  
"Glue ,what? No, it's just a magical Snape in a leprechaun outfit saying 'Magically Delicious'….yeah….", James gave up and set about to get his class work out.  
  
"You have to be there.", Sirius took out his pink notepad and started to draw more purple hearts on it.  
  
"That thing is disgusting.", Peter called over from his table looking at Sirius' notebook.  
  
"NO! IT'S BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME!!", Sirius cried and hugged his book closely pretending to cry.  
  
"You are a sad, sad man.", James and Lily said at the same time.  
  
"Whoa…do it again!", Sirius looked at the two lovers.  
  
"Do what?", they both said at exactly the same time.  
  
"HA! You two can read each others thoughts!", Sirius skipped around.  
  
"What the fuck?"  
  
"What the hell?", Lily and James looked at each other.  
  
"Stop it sugar."  
  
"Stop it sweetie", they both said AGAIN at the same time.  
  
"MOFASA!", Lily yelled at the top of her lungs.  
  
The whole class turned around and stared. Sirius stopped skipping and doing Carrie telekinesis moves . (a/n: you know how she does that thing…where she nods her head and blinks…sort of like the Genie chick from 'I Love Genie'….wait is that 'I Love Lucy'?…No! Okay well anyways…hmm…if you've seen Superstar with Molly Shannon she makes fun of it…I oh erm… *sigh* never mind ::drifts into the background sulkily::  
  
"Um..what's mofasa?", James scratched his head.  
  
" I wanted to say something I knew you wouldn't say...it's this Lion King thingy…never mind.", Lily shrugged and turned to the teacher who was walking in.  
  
Mr. Mann (a/n:heehee) was the Potions Professor. He had short brown hair and he liked to roll one eye around at random moments, he was also convinced the he was a pirate. Yes, you heard right, a pirate.   
  
In his 2nd year at Hogwarts he cut off both his legs, put on a fake eye patch, and dressed in the classic pirate attire. He also liked to tell the class stories of when he rescued his boat mates and found buried treasure. He had never, in fact, actually been on a boat.  
  
"Welcome me crew!", Mr. Mann clicked his wooden legs around the class happily.  
  
"Today we learn the potion the brings a loved one back from death! I've had to use this a number of time way back on the Spanish Armada. You see, it was a hot day and-", several students coughs stopped his story.  
  
"Ah right, let's get started.", Mr. Mann scanned the room looking at each boy respectively.  
  
"And who's the lucky lad who wants to be me Cabin Boy today?", Mr. Mann waited for a volunteer.  
  
" OH ME MEMEEMEMEMEMEME!", Sirius stood up on his chair.  
  
Sirius was the only volunteer every lesson.  
  
"Right me boy, put on the Cabin Boy hat and be off to get me potions like a good chap!", Mr. Mann grinned beamingly as Sirius put on his little pirate hat and took off to get the stuff.  
  
" We have some seriously messed up friends.", Lily mumbled while Mr. Mann insisted they call him 'Captain'.  
  
*******SEVERAL PIRATE MINUTES LATER***********  
  
"Yo ho ho, and a bottle of beer!", Mr. Mann…..sorry, CAPTAIN MANN, was leading the class in his favorite pirate song ( it was the only one he knew).  
  
Sirius was once again like every lesson, the only one joining in besides some half-hearted Gryffindors.  
  
The Slytherins just looked evilly at Captain Mann and muttered murderous thoughts.  
  
"So Lily, be ready at 11 o'clock tonight.", James whispered in her ear as they started to gather their things to leave to lunch.  
  
"Okay…where are we going again?"  
  
"Well we were going to take you the Three Broomsticks, but plans changed and well…you'll see.", He nipped her on the ear.  
  
"James!", she giggled.  
  
They walked to join the others for lunch while Peter stayed behind to gather things.  
  
"Hello Pettigrew.", Snape drawled as he walked over to the small boy.  
  
"EH….Hello Serveus."  
  
*********************THE END OF THE WORLD***************  
  
Okay, so you might have noticed I "upped the anty "on my sugar intake today… Anyways this chappy is sort of an in between part for the upcoming things…I am seriously running on 5 cups of coffee, 2 hours of dreamless sleep, and 5 whole teaspoons of raw sugar…..Hence the bad grammar throughout and the pirate-like characters….  
  
I decided to leave the original author note on here…because this chapter is whacked….the next ones veer off the plot course and go into a weird period of cracked out Sirius fun…::grin::  
  
Chapter 9-  
  
James had taken Lily out for a picnic in a moderatly safe place in the Forbidden Forest and it was beautiful. They drank alcoholic beverages stolen by Sirius (a/n:: where does he get it all?! ::sees Sirius rummaging through my drawers::…ah) and stared up at the stars. Feeling a bit overly sloshed they tipsily made their way back to the common room.   
  
Once they got there however, Lily fell asleep and James carried her up to his room lest he have to wake her.  
  
And so it was that the whole Gryffindor population saw a sleepy Head Boy and Head Girl emerge from the male dorms, hand-in-hand. Lily wondered vaguely if the wild rumors would spread to the teachers.  
  
***************** Later In the common room******************  
  
After classes they were all slumped in front of the fire passing time…  
  
"Remus….", Sirius looked up holding back his roguish smile.  
  
"Dear gods, what now?", Remus waited for another idiotic stunt.  
  
"KISS ME!", Lily and James cracked up as Sirius dove on top of poor Remus who was screaming and flailing about.  
  
Just as this was taking place Dumbledore stepped inside the common room. He coughed and Sirius stopped gang style raping Remus. All four of them went into silence.  
  
"I have my suspicions about what happened last night with you two…", Dumbledore paused to look at James and Lily individually.  
  
"And I implore you to keep in mind that certain female /male restrictions are there for very specific reasons…Maybe I should get the infirmary nurse down here to talk to you about those reasons?", Dumbledore flashed a chuckle at the horrified teens and turned to leave.  
  
"Jesus H. Christ! Was that a sex talk from Dumbledore?", James gagged.  
  
"Turn you on Jamie?", Sirius laughed at his little joke.  
  
"Yes.", James shot back sarcastically.  
  
"I KNEW IT!!!", Sirius pranced upstairs hugging his David Cassidy shirt happily.  
  
"Ritalin….", Remus mused to himself.  
  
"Honey?"  
  
"Yes Lily sweet?"  
  
"I love you!"  
  
"Aww, I love you too baby."  
  
" Jeez, keep down the mush when humans are present.", Remus pretended to vomit.  
  
"I see no humans here, man.", James quickly giggled then stopped as he realized what he'd said.  
  
"What do you mean by that?", Lily implored looking between the two.  
  
"Ermmm….", Remus blushed and ducked out of the room.  
  
*************************::tap dances::*********************  
  
I had to edit that chapter really awkwardly….I cut out the previous two chapters in between because they were to hard to work around. LOVIES!  
  
Chapter something or other…I lost track ::sheepish grin::  
  
"Nice going James, why didn't you just come out and tell her 'Hi, my friend's a werewolf'.", Remus sighed after imitating James with a high pitched girly voice.  
  
"Oh come of it Rem, I soooo do not sound like a girl.", James batted his eyelashes flirtatiously.  
  
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that you weird ass kid.", Remus sat on his bed and took a deep breath.  
  
James leaned his head against the wall and realized how tired he was still. He looked over to Remus.  
  
James couldn't begin to understood how painful it must be to not being able to share one of your deepest secrets with the little girl you felt a sister to you. He was about to go over and really console Remus when the silence in their bedroom caught his attention.  
  
"Jesus, where the hell is Sirius?", James looked paranoid all around him knowing that his friend was likely to pop out and give him a heart attack.  
  
A tiny snicker escaped from under Remus's bed. The werewolf cocked one eyebrow and slowly drew his feet away from the edges. James cornered himself holding his broom, ready to strike out at the first sight of the Flying Sirius ( a/n: has anyone seen the Flying Nun? QUALITY entertainment I assure you.).  
  
"AHAHAHAHHA!!!", Sirius shrieked and burst from under the bed.  
  
"What the hell?!", Remus ran over to James who was staring with his mouth hanging open.  
  
Sirius was dressed in a tight ballerina outfit and had decided to dye his long black hair a venomous shade of pink. He strutted back and forth for them and did a over elaborate curtsey. The two other boys just looked on at the hyper hypo that they called friend in utter disbelief.  
  
"Isn't it fabulous!", Sirius gushed while waving his small pink skirt around. "I ordered it from a catalog and it just came in!"  
  
"Dear god , my friend.", James put his hand solemnly on Sirius' shoulder. "You really do need professional help."  
  
"I think it's quite becoming of him.", Remus let out a feminine giggle.  
  
"What's happened to my manly friends!", James backed away into an isolated corner and shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"Come play dolls with us Jamsie!", Remus procured an odd glint in his eyes.  
  
"Ummm no thanks…I'll pass guys.", James started to feel a bit hysterical.  
  
"Let's paint your nails!!", Sirius squealed with delight as he magically appearated a oversized tub of 'Lady Lanny's Lucious Lavender Nail laquor'.  
  
"You guys are really creeping me the fuck out now!", James picked up his broomstick and started waving it wildly about.  
  
"What's all the fuss about?", James breathed in relief as he heard Lily's voice behind him.  
  
"Oh god Lils, They've gone retarded or something and-", James turned around and saw his beloved girlfriend….but not quite.  
  
"AHHHH YOU'RE A MAN!!!", James started to bat her with the broom also.  
  
"Take it easy honey.", Lily said in a low guttural voice.  
  
Lily's face had a thick beard on it and she was sporting a very interesting mullet that only accentuated her humongous unibrow.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! SIRIUS WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE!!", James flung himself on the ballerina glad cross dresser and started to pummel him with his fists.  
  
"James, WAKE UP MAN!", James opened one eye and saw Remus laughing.  
  
James sat up slowly and raised his eyebrows suspiciously as he observed the clothing Sirius was wearing. He carefully inspected Remus' nails for even a hint of lavender polish. After finding no substantial evidence he inhaled calmly.  
  
"Hey man, you killed your pillow.", Sirius cackled as he pointed to the poor scarlet pillow that James had viciously attacked.  
  
"Yeah, what the hell was that about anyways? Sirius came in snickering like a madman and he was just about to tell me the devious deeds he did when you started to scream all scary. We tried to ignore it and all but the next thing you did was wave your pillow around trying to hit something and then you just started biting the hell out of it. You have issues man. BIG ones.", Remus smirked.  
  
"Wow, the feathers were flying everywhere and just like in 'Nam (a/n: Sirius translation: Vietnam) and then blood started to pour and…..", James buried his head in his molested pillow and tuned out the babbling of Sirius.  
  
"Don't sleep again! We have to go to dinner…remember…food…nutrition…life sustaining substance…", Remus tipped James off the bed and walked out of the room.  
  
"Be there in a second……..one more second….", James promptly passed out.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
A week later…..  
  
Chapter 12  
  
"Frank, if she punched you in the eye three times it probably wasn't a 'Yes' for the dance.", Lily dabbed her friends face to reduce the swelling.  
  
"But she was very taken with my 'Stalker Qualities', as she put it. I think she's just playing hard to get.", Frank held the cloth to his eye and gave her a hopeful smile.  
  
"Just promise me you will not ever hide under her covers waiting for her to come."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Hello Children, what're we talking about today?", Sirius gaily strolled upon their conversation.  
  
"Sirius, I am in my 7th year…and I am NOT a child!', Lily pointed out helpfully.  
  
"Well, since you're an adult female you should let me kiss you.", Sirius babbled while Frank walked over to a few 6th year girls who were eyeing him wearily.  
  
"Why should I let you kiss me?"  
  
"Why shouldn't you?"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Why shouldn't you?"  
  
Lily sighed and rubbed her forehead. She was having a toddler-like argument that knowing her arguee, would only end in a mock-fight with faked tears.  
  
"Because I'm currently attracted to James, your best friend and am already pregnant with his child,", Lily spat at him.  
  
Sirius didn't miss a beat.  
  
"Well, it would be better for a child to have two fathers. More playtime, more bonding…as for the attraction part….I'm just to pretty for your tastes eh?", Sirius fluttered his eyelashes.  
  
James walked down with Remus and they both saw a very odd thing. By the time they had came down, Sirius had proposed, bewitched a pillow to look like a mini-James baby, and was jumping onto a giggling Lily.  
  
"Hey that's MY girl!", James pried off his friend and pushed him away.  
  
"And what the hell is this?", Remus eyes the little James thing.  
  
"Your and Lily's lovechild.", Sirius grinned and went off to play with the first years.  
  
"It's creepy.", James poked the thing's eyes and they didn't blink.  
  
James went back to N.E.W.T. s studying as Lily took out her notes also.  
  
"Okay so if I add the potion's last ingredients to quickly it will explode, but if I add it to slowly it could Implode, and if I let it go at a moderate but not to quick or to even pace then the whole thing disappears and I have to start from scratch?", James cocked his eyebrow as he scanned his Potions notes.  
  
"Exactly. It's almost to easy isn't it.", Remus snorted sarcastically.  
  
"Well, I got straight A's.", Sirius beamed and showed his 'report card'.  
  
James and Remus looked at each other and Remus scooted closer .  
  
"Padfoot, dearest friend, try to understand this…you got straight A's because you're the first mate to Captain Mann…and this", he pointed to the pink report card now hanging limply in Sirius' grasp.  
  
"Well, this is something you just drew. We saw you make it five minutes ago."  
  
"But….I'm the best…I'm the prettiest…", Sirius trailed off and walked away mumbling.  
  
"I am seriously considering getting Padfoot some help as St.Mungo's."  
  
"You wouldn't be the only one.", Lily chuckled.  
  
The three of them studied a bit before they heard a low chuckle come from under the table.  
  
"What the hell is-", James was cut off as the tiny James doll popped up and spoke in a suspiciously familiar voice.  
  
"Hi!", Doll-James waved gaily.  
  
"Uhhhhh…"Lily and Remus stared transfixed at the now bobbing doll.  
  
"My names is James and I love Lily.", A small Lily-doll appeared but had only one tooth for some weird reason.  
  
"Sirius you need-", Lily was stopped when the dolls began to get a bit TO physical.  
  
"Oooo baby!"  
  
"Yeah Jamsie! Do the nasty dance!"  
  
"WILL YOU STOP IT!", James pried the dolls out of the still-hidden Sirius' hands.  
  
The three of them gave each other odd looks as under the table went quiet…  
  
"Hi, I'm Remus!", Sirius's new puppet came up but the face was sideways.  
  
"And I'm Proffesor McGonagall, but you can call me your new love slave!"  
  
Remus gave an odd straggled squeak as the two dolls finished where James' and Lily's left off.  
  
"You know he does have a good imagination.", James turned to the other tow but saw that they were staring straight ahead with horrified expressions.   
  
He quickly found out why.  
  
"DETENTION ALL FOUR OF YOU!", a very scarlet professor roared.  
  
*********************************  
  
"Damn you Sirius! I had three essays due tomorrow!", Lily throttled Sirius's throat for the fourth time before James half-heartedly pulled her away.  
  
They were cleaning out the girl's toilets and no one seemed to pleased. Sirius' attempts to revise the puppet show to make Remus and her turn out to actually be Professor Dumbledore and himself got him another week of detention and two days of therapy.  
  
They had company though with a small Hufflepuff who accidentally lit Captain Mann's peg leg on fire ( the left one ); two Ravenclaws who were caught in the Restricted Section of the library; and Two Slytherins that were caught snogging each other senseless after classes. All of them were scrubbing except the two Slytherins who were at it again.  
  
"Alysia! Lucious! C'mmon you guys that is so sick!", Lily moaned as the two kept it up.  
  
"She wasn't like that when we went out.", James mock-pouted earning himself a smack from Lily.  
  
"Yeah I was.", They heard Alysia mumble in between the drool-feast.  
  
Lily smacked James again.  
  
"What the bloody hell did I do?", he rubbed his sore cheek.  
  
"You kissed to many boys!", Lily happily chirped.  
  
"Wait….", Remus sat up and ruffled his hair absently.  
  
"Did you just say boys?"  
  
"Ummm…well what I meant to say was girls…"  
  
Remus looked around suddenly as if he caught fire ( a familiar scene to the Hufflepuff).  
  
"Where's Padfoot?"  
  
"MUAH! JAMES I LOVE YOUUUuu!!!", Sirius leapt out of the bathroom stall next to James and gave him a sloppy kiss on the lips.  
  
"Did I say girls? I meant to say boys…", Lily sighed.  
  
********************************************************  
  
YES I AM GOD! It's now 2:38 Am….so tired…can't blink…will fall asleep… I love ya'll too much for my own good ^_^….please review and another chapter is coming wither tomorrow or the next day! 


	2. Making Out is FUN!

Stripping For James Chapter….3,000 ½   
  
****AUTHOR TEARS****  
  
  
  
Thanks to Alysia ( superduperducky) for having really sugary convos with me at 2 am in the morning. Oh and go check her stuff out before I maim you ( you know I'd never do that! ::picks up axe: ) AHAHAHA sorry for this being so long. ON WITH THE FLUFF…I mean morally inhibiting storylines with positive goal seeking characters ::snort::….  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
"Ohhh…I am never ever EVER using the toilets again, that was disgusting!", Remus groaned as they all (A/N: minus Peter….he went..uh gallivanting?) sat down in the squishy common room chairs.  
  
"'Oh beautiful chair, nothing could make me leave your side!", James mumbled into the arm rest wearily.  
  
"James, come here."  
  
"Coming Lily Dear!"  
  
"Those two-", Remus cut himself off as he saw Sirius snore lightly and loll his head back.  
  
"Damnit, now I have to carry him up the stairs again!", Remus complained interrupting the two lover's kissing battle.  
  
"Why don't you guys just wake him?", Lily stood and readied herself to go to her room.  
  
James and Remus shared a quizzical look.  
  
"Lil…have you ever woken Sirius up?"  
  
"No…I don't have to sleep with him in my dorm.", she went up a few steps.  
  
"Still, one of these days if you have an option to wake him or carry him, you take our advice.", Remus hoisted Sirius over his shoulder in a fireman carry and grunted.  
  
"What HAS he been eating?"  
  
Lily rolled her eyes.  
  
"Night guys."  
  
"Goodnight Lil."  
  
"Sweet dreams oh beauteous one.", James bent on his knees and bowed.  
  
"Keep it up Potter, flattery will get you into some very interesting situations.", Lily grinned.  
  
The two boys made it to their rooms, Remus with a sweat covered forehead and James with an idiotic smile with his mind obviously on other things. Neither was in the mood to wonder where Peter was (a/n: because he's a cockass…I mean….swearing is bad!….I hate Peter…::mumble:: cockass…), or why exactly they hadn't seen much of him for the past week.  
  
Flinging Sirius haphazardly onto his messy covers, Remus stripped (a/n: I like where this is going ::throws dollars: ) into his pajamas and passed out with pleasure, thinking that in two weeks it would be a full moon and then he'd remember what it really felt like to be drained of energy.  
  
James however, could barely keep his eyes open. He just kicked off his sneakers and crashed onto the heavenly pillows, neglecting to change. He hoped that his grimey clothes wouldn't permanently make his bed smell like a toilet.  
  
The next morning everyone was in a slightly agitated mood owing to liberal amount of homework for upcoming testing, and in the case of a certain group, sore muscles from wiping the girl's bathroom.  
  
"Jamesey will you pass the milk?", Sirius asked in a sing-song voice that caused several students to look at him oddly.  
  
"Only if you never call me that again and promise to stop trying to conceive a child with my girlfriend every time I turn my back."  
  
"No deal." Sirius leaned over to get it himself and knocked the milk onto Lily and Remus.  
  
"I knew I should have stayed in bed today.", Lily sighed while spelling her robes clean.  
  
"Amen, it hurts to breathe.", James tried to help clean up Remus.  
  
They were munching away while the daily owls popped in and swooped down to everyone. In the middle of this, Peter (a/n:: the jerk) rushed over to them and went on about how sorry he was that he hadn't spent time with any of them. No one noticed. There was a howler sitting in front of James.  
  
"Just open it real quick…like magically quick!", Lily rolled her eyes at Sirius attempt to help the situation.  
  
"What have I done recently to get a damn howler?", James prodded the envelope with his wand.  
  
"Your about to find out my compadre.", Remus clamped his hands over his ears.  
  
"JAMES HAROLD POTTER! I JUST HEARD THAT YOU HAD A GIRL SLEEPING IN YOUR DORM! A GIRL?!!! I SUGGEST YOU RE-LEARN THE FACTS OF LIFE AND UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SEX EQUALS BABY EQUALS MARRIAGE, I IMPLORE YOU TO KEEP YOUR HORMONES TO A SAFE LEVEL!"  
  
"Oh my fucking god..", James was leaning his head on the table and banging it slowly.  
  
"That wasn't to bad…"  
  
"Definitely could've been worse."  
  
Remus and Sirius burst into laughter and had to suffer Lily's murderous glare as James' head banging intensified.  
  
Lily looked around the Great Hall. Most people decided to politely ignore the embarrassing moment as a favor to the two Heads. The whole of the Slytherin table however, were nearly dying from cackling.  
  
After breakfast Lily, Remus, and Peter headed towards divination class. Sirius dragged a sullen James to Care of Magical Creatures, all the while hexing James with cheering charms to try and lift his mood.  
  
"Lil…is the key house of Jupiter revolving?", Remus squinted in the dark perfumed air trying to read his notes.  
  
"I have no idea…"  
  
"Class, today we will be reading…Love lines!", The divinations teacher paused for dramatic effect. It had no desirable reactions seeing as everyone was basically in a mindless stupor from the thick wafts of incense.  
  
"Pair off and begin!"  
  
Lily and Remus scooted closer leaving Peter to wander around to all the tables looking for a partner (a/n: bastard!).  
  
"Okay Rem…it appears you have a weak love line owing to the fact that..", Lily checked her text. "Owing to that fact that you leave monthly? What the hell does that mean?"  
  
"Erm…", Remus snatched back his hand and felt decidedly uncomfortable.  
  
Just then, Peter tripped on one of the poufs and went sailing in the air.  
  
(SLOW-MO)  
  
"PPPPRRRROOOFFFFFEEEEESSSSSSOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR WATCHHHH OUTTTTT!"  
  
Proffessor Gingy (a/n: that popped into my head ahahahaah) tried to dive out of the way. The flying teenager flailed his arms as if to slow himself.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!", the Proffessor screamed and braced herself for impact.  
  
(BACK TO NORMAL TIME)  
  
KAPOW! (a/n: ohhhh I like the batman-esque sounds…let's add more just for fun ::mad laugh: ) BIFF! KABLAM! CRASH!  
  
"Oh my god! Are you okay Proffessor? Professor?!", Peter scrambled off her and shook her shoulders.  
  
She was knocked out cold. (a/n:: SMACKED DOWN! KO-ed!)  
  
Peter and another boy helped to carry her down to the infirmary. The students hustled to leave the room before she came back to consciousness and ordered them back.  
  
"Weird…You would think she'd see THAT coming.", Remus mused as he slung his bag over his shoulder.  
  
"You know, I think her foreseeing everyone's demise, death, and doom might have clouded her inner-eye.", Lily smiled.  
  
"Well, just in case she asks what your palm said..", Remus quickly scanned over her hand and checked his book. "You'll have a son within two years."  
  
"WHAT?!", Lily snatched the book from him and read the prophecy and looked at her palm.  
  
"No no no dear friend, that line looks more like THIS one. So that means I'll…I'll apparently become a man?"  
  
"Yeah that's a lot better, maybe you should tell James he's a daddy?", Remus ducked as Lily made to slap him.  
  
*************  
  
"Oh baby, let's never go to classes again.", James moaned into Lily's hair as they sat in her dorm room.  
  
"Teasing was that bad huh?", she patted him sympathetically.  
  
"Yes.", his reply was muffled by her head.  
  
"Well…maybe I should make it up to you.", he pulled away and grinned at her.  
  
"Maybe you should. See the reason I got yelled at was because a certain someone was in my dorm. I just wish I did all the things people thought we did.", James pouted and looked at her.  
  
"Well Mr.Potter, perhaps I may help you…", She put a locking charm on the door and gave a toothy grin.  
  
"Why Ms. Evans, I do believe you are trying to seduce me you little vixen!", James moved closer and wrapped his arms around her slender waist.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Potter, I am seducing you. Any complaints?", she whispered into his ear softly.  
  
"None from this side!", James tossed her on the bed and jumped after her.  
  
"James! Quiet or they'll hear us!", Lily giggled as he stripped off his shirt ruffling his hair to a standing point.  
  
"Oh yeah, almost forgot.", James put a silencing charm on the door.  
  
*****************************  
  
"Where are they?", Sirius whined as Remus shook his head.  
  
"I don't know, Prongs was supposed to meet us here to go down to the kitchens 20 minutes ago."  
  
"Well I'm bored let's just go by ourselves!", Sirius got his bag ready and was about to walk towards the portrait hole when a interesting thing caught his eye.  
  
"Oh Moony my closes friend…", Sirius picked up the thing.  
  
"What Padfoot?"  
  
"Why do you suppose Prongs' schoolbag is on the steps to the girls dorm?"  
  
They didn't have time to discuss that however, because Lily and James had appeared walking towards them from the top of the stairs. James had a look of idiotic satisfaction on his face, and had very VERY messy hair. Messy even by his standards. Lily was tugging on her skirt and attempting to fix her smeared lipstick . She had a slight blush on her cheeks and had pieces of flyway hair all over.  
  
"Well well…have a fun studying session Prongsie boy?", Sirius' eyes twinkled and James groaned inwardly.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Pray tell, whatever did you hard working scholars study this fine day?", Remus elbowed Sirius.  
  
"If you're done harassing us for perfectly innocent study sessions then me and Lily will go to our head meeting now.", James scoffed and grabbed a now deeply blushing Lily's hand.  
  
As soon as they left, Peter came walking over.  
  
"That was strange, I hope he remembers that SEX EQUALS BABIES EQUALS MARRIGE!", Sirius screeched snapping many working Gryffindors out of their homework to glare at him.  
  
*************************AUTHOR CHA CHA*************  
  
Wow, I got really stuck here…um I'm not quite sure how much descriptions I could put in a R rated thingy…but they didn't do IT…not yet anyways ::sinister laugh::…Sorry this chapter is crap ,and is you review then I'll mentally send you out good luck. ::smiles:: ^_^ LOVIES!   
  
P.s. sorry I used their names so much…it was really frustrating ::sigh:: Lily Remus James and Sirius…I typed that about 10 million times.. 


	3. Snape looses some sperm::snorts:: AHAHAH...

?  
  
??  
  
#  
  
?????  
  
#Stripping For James   
  
Chapter Pick a Number and It'll be Close Enough  
  
**************AUTHOR SPIT**********  
  
Sorry to put my notes at the top ( I HATE when people do that, but I've done it twice so shame, shame.). I'm leaving for 4 days-ish and I wanted to put something up real quick before I packed my stuffies. Since I have like 30 minutes to write this it'll be really fucked up. Sorry ^_^, oh yeah and this chapter ONLY will be a songfic because I had a dream about it last night lol. And since this song is really damn short, it works ahahaha.  
  
*NEW AUTOR NOTES*****= And I totally cut out the crap songfic thing because it just didn't work. YAY!  
  
*************************************************************  
  
They headed to their Head meeting (a/n: ::cracks up:: ) and found that the prefects that actually could make it were bored out of their minds. Usually the prefects would start the meeting with suggestions for upcoming events and the Headboy or girl would come near the end and pick out the best ideas.  
  
Not today. The only work that apparently got done was Dean Lillard from Hufflepuff drawing a huge stick-figure battle death scene on the chalkboard.  
  
James was about to congratulate Dean on the scene when Lily stepped on his foot. Apparently she thought it was no big accomplishment.  
  
"But sweetie, he even has them all labeled!", James pointed out giddily.  
  
It was true. All the various stick-figures were appointed names ranging from students to teachers. Lily looked closer and saw that Dean had drawn a small James standing on the head of a decapitated Snape. James saw it too and beamed proudly.  
  
"Ten points to Hufflepuff!", Lily sighed as James shook Dean's hand solemnly.  
  
"Enough of the testosterone sharing, what did you guys come up with for the 6th-7th year ball?", Lily took out a small notepad and pencil while James just started to draw more stick-figures.  
  
"Well…", Reena Red a Ravenclaw (a/n:: what me put in subliminal messages for you to READ REVIEW and RECOMMEND?! Lies!) sighed.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Well the list we have says;  
  
- Have a street boxing compition  
  
- Make couples wear matching colors  
  
-Get Dumbledore to hire the Weird Sisters  
  
- Make Lily and James have a kissing booth  
  
- Play only Donnie and Marie Osmond songs for dancing"  
  
"Uhhh I see…", Lily tapped her pencil against her cheek.  
  
"Honey? Do you have any input?", She turned to James as he started making gurgly death noises while drawing a sword through an unfortunate stick-figure's throat.  
  
"Yeah they all sound like good ideas.", he said absently not even turning around.  
  
"Right.Thank you Sir James Battle God of Stickland.", she sarcastically bowed to his back and earned several giggles form the group of girls. Most of the boys were watching avidly while James illustrated.  
  
"Anyways you guys, these things conflict with each other. We cannot have just Donnie and Marie songs. Sorry.", Lily gave a sympathetic glance toward the Ravenclaw boy who stifled a sob.  
  
"As for me and Sir James having a kissing booth…well, we'll see.", she winked at a blushing Gryffindor.  
  
"What about the other ideas?", Reena Red from Ravenclaw inquired (a/n:: you want to let me hypnotize you….yes….).  
  
"Umm…I'll see about the band, but the color thing is sort of lame. How about we do famous couples or something?", the group shrugged halfheartedly which she took as an enthusiastic yes.  
  
Several boys started to clear their throats to get her attention.  
  
"Yes?", she glanced at them while scribbling down notes.  
  
"What about the street fighting?", several of them piped up.  
  
"No I don-"  
  
"That sounds great!", James turned around suddenly and cut off Lily in protest.  
  
"Hun, we can't have people beating the shit out of each other at a ball.", Lily whispered at him.  
  
"But, it would be cool! I mean there can be prizes and stuff!", James begged.  
  
Lily turned away from his puppy eyes and James got down on his knees and started to fake cry. The group of prefects burst into laughter.  
  
"Please?Please?Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?!!", James sobbed into her robe.  
  
"Kiss her James! She can't say no if you do that!", One of the boys yelled.  
  
James quirked an eyebrow under his messy hair. Before Lily could get away, he swept her in his arms and kissed her sloppily on the lips. Figuring since they had an audience they should make it worthwhile, he leaned her backwards and Lily clutched onto him dramatically.  
  
"WHO HOO!", the boys whopped loudly as they broke for air.  
  
"I really hope they have that kissing booth.", Dean eagerly imagined himself in James' spot.  
  
*******************  
  
"Well that was a good meeting.", James said seriously as they walked back to the common room.  
  
"Yeah it wa-", a loud BANG rang out.  
  
"What the hell was that?", James looked wildly about as they ran to the source of noise.  
  
When they came around the corner they found Snape and Lucious Malfoy fuming angrily and holding a blackened wand. Before they said a word, Snape turned towards them and gave a hideous glare.  
  
"Your dumb friend did this! Second time this month that Black hexed my wand to explode when I used it!", Lily felt James try not to laugh and she once again stepped on his foot.  
  
"Serveus, we're sorry. Sirius just gets…antsy with lots of homework. And he usually takes it out on people.", She said honestly.  
  
"Oh shut it you mudblood.", Snape spat out.  
  
The next seconds happened so fast that Lily had no time to hold James back.  
  
He had tackled Snape, punched him in the face, and had his wand out scraping the flesh of his neck. While this happened Lucious ran off and Lily stood stunned.  
  
"James! Get off him!", she pulled futilely at the back of his robes as he leaned in closer.  
  
"You say that again to her and you'll fucking feel more pain than even your precious Voldemort can dish out.", he growled and stood up.  
  
As Lily and James turned to walk away, Snape pointed his wand at James's back and muttered, "Locomoto Mortis." and watched his enemy fall to the ground ,legs-locked stiffly together.  
  
Lily wheeled around.  
  
"Mobiliarbus!", she half-shouted as Snape unwillingly floated to her.  
  
"Now I'll make this clear just one time.", she breathed into his face only millimeters away.  
  
"You hex James again and I'll make sure you don't have any greasy-haired kids.", Lily gave a sharp knee to his groin.  
  
The two boy Prefects watching mumbled something about hypocrites and broken street fighting rules.  
  
********************AUTHOR SPIT (yum)***** YAY…..yay…::mumbles in sleep:: ….yay…  
  
::Sirius slaps the author awake::  
  
WHAT? Whazzat? Oh….rightio, on to the next chappy! 


	4. Pointless with a few dashes of Idiotical...

Stripping for James  
  
Chapter 4 technically…..   
  
"She kicked him WHERE?!", Sirius gasped while throwing his hands up playfully.  
  
"She's changed Prongs, she's changed."  
  
"Oh shut up already about that.", Lily walked into the Common Room and overheard James re-telling the story of The Snape Testicle Bruising again.  
  
"But honey!", Lily silenced him with a kiss.  
  
"Oh great, excuse me while I film this so I can at least make some money off the pornography in the Common Room!", Sirius screamed so that several people craned their necks to see what exactly was happening.  
  
"Padfoot…you know it might be possible that you can go one hour without embarrassing one of us.", James sighed .  
  
"Impossible.", Sirius went back to doodling on his etch-a-sketch.  
  
It was another cold Spring night outside. The rain clouds were piling up but had not yet spilled their contents. Everyone was in a joint feeling of glassy-minded bliss…with warm firelight and cocoa it's hard not too.  
  
"James?"  
  
"Hmm?", he mumbled into Lily's warm neck.  
  
"Honey, where's Remus go every month?"  
  
That snapped him out of the trance. Should he tell her? Should he finally tell the woman he loved that Remus, the man she adores as a brother is a werewolf? Could she understand it?  
  
No, he wouldn't break The Marauder's trust. It would be up to Remus to tell.  
  
Leaning back into her he tried to sound unconcerned when he said, "His mother's sick Lils."  
  
"Is that why they sneak him off behind that tree? And is that also why every night they do that I hear howling? And how all these years it somehow in coincidence that he leaves exactly on the FULL MOON?", James' eyes widened and even though she whispered it all he swiftly looked around to see if anyone was aware of what she said.  
  
Well, the cover was blown.  
  
"Uh….I have no idea what you talking about…"  
  
Better to play dumb. When in doubt, act like Peter. (a/n:: ohhhh that was a good one ::pats back: )   
  
"James, it's okay I know.", she hugged him lightly.  
  
"But you see…erm..it's not what it looks like he's not a -"  
  
"A what?", both of them looked up to see Remus looking down with a pained expression.  
  
"Hey Rem!", Lily greeted smiling.  
  
"Hiya Moony!", James sounded a little to chipper.  
  
"Lil, can we talk?", Remus motioned his hand to her room and she got off James' lap to comply.  
  
Before closing the door Remus turned and gave him a weary smile. A smile that held years of lies and the redeeming act of getting caught in them.  
  
"Where'd they go to?", Sirius broke James out of his pensive silence.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Uhhh your wife and the godfather of your babies?", Sirius sat cross legged and gave him a serious (::bites tongue: ) look.  
  
"She KNOWS Padfoot. And stop giving me that look, I didn't say anything she figured it out.", Sirius sniffed snobbishly and went back to his doodles.  
  
*********HALF HOUR LATER***********  
  
James had fallen asleep on the couch and his dark hair was brushed boyishly into his face. Lily couldn't help but feel something stir in her stomach at this sight. It was almost familiar in everyway. She could see herself looking into this scene and picturing her child sleeping the same way. A baby boy or girl, one of their children would maybe fall in love as they had and they could repeat the cycle.   
  
"Sweetie, wake up.", She brushed back his bangs.  
  
"Mommy, tell Sirius to share…", James moaned and shifted a bit.  
  
"Honey..", she sat on the couch beside him and looked down.  
  
Her boyfriend. The ultimate love story every girl wishes and pines for was all locked into him. His rumpled clothes and messy hair didn't hide the fact that he was surprisingly bright and sweet. Anyone who saw them together said what a cute couple they were. They could grow old together. Surrounded by their friends, they could wake every morning to each other's faces.   
  
Well this is one love story, Lily sighed sleepily as she lay on James' chest, This is one love story that won't end in tears and bloodshed.  
  
With a final smile she found herself in a deep sleep.  
  
*******************************************  
  
"Jesus on a cracker! Do they even notice where they fall asleep anymore?"  
  
"Shut it Padfoot…it's still early.", James heard himself answer automatically.  
  
"Uhh no actually it's about 4 minutes until Charms starts…", James blinked one eye open at Remus' voice.  
  
"Really?", he tried to sit up but felt something weighing him down .(a/n: familiar scene eh?)  
  
He looked down to see his girlfriend's body entwined with his own. Her face was pressed lightly into his neck and her hands were resting on his shoulders. James grinned goofily.  
  
"Oh yeah, grin it up! 'Oh look at me I'm Prongs and I have a red-head in my arms every night!'", Sirius pranced around using a high falsetto voice that made the other boys cringe.  
  
"James, you better wake her up.", Remus smiled.  
  
"Yeah sure…where's Peter?", James adjusted his glasses with one hand.  
  
"Come to think of it I haven't seen much of him lately.", Remus shrugged and headed down to class.  
  
"I heard that he's been sniffing around the dungeons.", Sirius followed Remus with a gay skip (a/n: When I say gay I mean it in a non-homosexual way…I mean..well actually I might mean it that way..plot twist ahahaha).  
  
"Lils, wakey wakey eggs and beaky.", James whispered the ryhme his Mom used to call up to him. (a/n:: actually, this is how my brother and my best friend wake me up…::shrug::.."beaky" means bacon.)  
  
"Whassat?"  
  
"Time for class honey."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You know, school and classes with teachers and students and all that lot."  
  
"Jammmess?"  
  
"Fine. Wake up or I'll have to rape you.", her eyes shot open at that.  
  
"I either had a seriously disturbing dream where at the end my cat tried to sexually assault me, or you were talking to me in my sleep.", She eyes him suspiciously as he hid his laughter in her hair.  
  
"Your sick Mr.Potter, I can't get that image out of my head now.", Lily's cat Mr.Pickles decided at that moment to hop on her lap and purr.   
  
"Look Lils, he likes you.", James continued to snicker.  
  
"OH MY GOD!", Lily suddenly screamed as her face drained of color.  
  
"What?!", James put a hand on his wand instinctively.  
  
"WE HAVE CLASS IN 2 MINUTES!", she latched onto his hand and began to run.  
  
It was known to the whole Hogwarts population that James Potter was an excellent athlete. He was considered the fastest and most skillful at almost any sport. So it was very curious eyes that saw his fiery headed girlfriend sprint down the hallways with James barely able to keep pace. And even more curios eyes watched as they tumbled through the door of their Charms class and smacked straight into the desk at the front and toppled over.  
  
"Good Job!", Sirius clapped enthusiastically from the back as the couple blushed and picked each other up.  
  
"Will you two take your seats please.", Professor Finnegan (a/n:: AHAHAHA I have this inside joke with myself…so it's technically an actual inside joke and when I'm alone in a room I say ' Finnigan Minnigan, Mulligan Hooligan'..over and over. Sometimes I change the words, sometimes I leave them be. It's really exciting! ::silence in the audience:: Alright sheesh, it's not like I'm telling you stupid useless information!) called.  
  
"What was that about?", The two boys asked when they sat down.  
  
"Talk to Ms. Marathon Sprinter over there. Honestly, it wouldn't hurt to be late for a class.", James spoke out of the corner of his mouth to avoid detection by the teacher.  
  
"Actually it would, we'd loose points.", Lily joined in.  
  
"But we could've slept some more.", James winked seductively.  
  
"POTTER! EVANS! Stop flirting!", They both started as they heard their names yelled.  
  
The class continued normally until James felt a piece or parchment land by his foot. He picked it up.  
  
Prongs,  
  
You and Lillers have any children yet?  
  
-Padfoot  
  
James shook his head and scribbled back. Before he knew it a full on note passing session was underway:  
  
Prongs: Shut up, you know I'd tell you if we did.  
  
Padfoot: Wow! You can talk?! I just thought since the only times you have your mouth opened it's on Lils lips. I mean, it might be fatal if you remove them…consider that will you? I care only for your safety.  
  
Prongs: You know, you have a lotta BARK but no bite my man. And seriously what the fuck is up with your pink sneakers?!  
  
Padfoot: They're designer labels that my Aunt gave me, and I could bite you if I wanted.  
  
Prongs: Yeah right.  
  
Padfoot: Watch and see, good friend, watch and see.  
  
Moony: What the hell is going on?! Why'd you just bite James' shoulder?  
  
Padfoot: He asked me too. When's the next full moon?  
  
Moony: Next month….duh.  
  
Prongs: You asshole! Do you have any idea how much that bite hurt?! I had to stuff my hand in my mouth so I didn't scream like a girl, a.k.a scream like you.  
  
Padfoot: Well, you deserved it! Anyways, have you seen Lily naked yet?  
  
Prongs: yes, and we made hot passionate sex on the Common Room couch!  
  
Moony: WHAT?! REALLY?!  
  
Prongs: WHAT THE HELL SIRIUS! I didn't write that Moony I swear!  
  
Padfoot: I think he did Rem, you should beat him up for harassing your adopted kid sister.  
  
Prongs: Yes, I agree with Sirius.  
  
Prongs: I DIDN'T WRITE THAT EITHER!  
  
Prongs: Yes I did.  
  
THE REAL PRONGS GOD DAMN YOU: NO!  
  
Moony: You two need help.  
  
Lily: What are you guys writing?  
  
Prongs: About your nice supple chest and your firm ass.  
  
Prongs: SHUT UP SIRIUS! No, we're discussing Muggle Studies homework.  
  
Lily: James?  
  
Prongs: Yeah sweets?  
  
Lily: You aren't in Muggle Studies, I am.  
  
Padfoot: He's lying to your face girlfriend! You should dump his ass on the lawn and get those locks changed!  
  
Moony: I thought we agreed to censor Sirius' watching of trashy t.v. shows.  
  
Moony: My name is Remus and I like to fart….a lot.  
  
Moony: I AGREE WITH JAMES! SHUT UP SIRIUS!  
  
Padfoot: You gonna bite me?  
  
Prongs: Class is almost over.  
  
Padfoot: Eager to start on the family plan so soon Jamsie Wamsey?  
  
Prongs: Yes. And I'm also eager to get the hell away from your shoes, they make me want to puke man.  
  
"POTTER! BLACK! LUPIN! EVANS!", they all looked up guiltily. "You four owe me a 2 foot parchment on how to pay attention!"  
  
  
  
*************AUTHOR DEATH***********  
  
A weird chapter I know…but who needs plot anyways? Ohhh guess what's coming soon ::bounces:: Guess! Guess! It's some seriously graphic smut! ::shrieks giddily::  
  
I LOVE MY REVIWERS SO DAMN MUCH! If you review me then I'll give you some of the family estate. ::fills out papers:: 


	5. You really will be stupider after readin...

Stripping for Sirius…I mean James…  
  
Chapter YourMama  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Yes, yes yes! I have done another author note at the top AGAIN! I hate myself for doing this I really do…but ::sighs:: oh well… First off, I wanted to THANK all the WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL FABULOUSLY GENEROUS REVIWERS! And I want to take this time to smack all their names down ( if I missed you then tell me and I'll cry and beat myself up for a week or so…I mean I'll add you later…same thing…), and answer any questions about my extremely plot ridden and GENIUS character development! ::grins:: Okay well, I lied but………..  
  
***Here are the Most Brilliant People Ever!***  
  
freakyfroggurl22, Chaos Dreadnought, Anarane Anwamane, Star, angel-dolphin, Baka Kitty, kerry, xangelicbrat410x , Char (dingochar11@go.com) ,Kookiez, princessblack845 (alexlanier@aol.com)  ,Emma  ,FeeFee ,Emerald Eyes, faires ….Sorry I only got to people who reviewed like 3 weeks ago ( I won't get to publish this until then so I'm writing this in advance because I know I missed some of ya'll)…TO THOSE I MISSED, I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH! ::hugs happily:: And lot's o smoochies!   
  
  
  
And for the whole uproar about making Sirius gay…Um I'm bisexual so It doesn't matter to me that much but I understand some of you have an image of him as a certain sexual preference so…Anyways, he isn't REALLY homosexual, he's just a bit…off….mentally lol. Poor Sirius, I always make him the scape goat! ::sobs:: I love him so much.  
  
Sorry for this being fuckin long!…sorry for saying fuck too much!  
  
**********************************************************************************  
  
"Quidditch practice was fun today!", Sirius moaned sarcastically.  
  
James had worked the team to sweat and tears. And those lovely little rain clouds decided to open up and share their lovely little raindrops on the whole Quidditch team. So not only did they play 4 hours when they all had essays and potions due, they played four hours when they had essays and potions to do in the POURING RAIN.  
  
While the rest of the team either mumbled death threats or broke down into sobs, James grinned like an idiot.  
  
"Why the hell are you so happy?! I ruined my new pink trainer pumps in the damn rain and you're smiling?! Do you know HOW MUCH my Auntie paid for these?! DO YOU?!!", Sirius' eye twitched violently as he attempted to show James the ruined shoes.  
  
"Today's me and Lil's 5th month anniversary…", James said dizzily. (an: how time flies! ::watches a watch fly away::….can you watch a watch? never mind ::sigh: )   
  
"Well yippity fuckin do dah! MY SHOES ARE DEAD JAMES! DEAD! THEY ARE NO MORE!", Sirius grabbed James' collar and shook him a couple of times.  
  
"No use man, his heads up in the clouds.", Sean the team keeper laughed painfully as he limped down the corridor.  
  
***********Back in the Common Room***  
  
Lily was filling out an extremely interesting Muggle Studies paper when she thought of something. Do the teachers that teach Muggle Studies go to a specific school to learn the way of the Muggles? Or do they just have to be Muggle-born to be given the job? Maybe you could grab the qualifications by marrying into a Muggle family? And do they give you a Muggle Studies Teacher test that sees if you actually know the stuff?  
  
While she was pondering this question (a/n: one that personally I would like to know) her very VERY messy boyfriend trudged into the room looking as if Christmas had come early and his present was Snape's expulsion letter and a nice shiny Quidditch House Cup. Lily couldn't help but grin along with him.  
  
"Why are you smiling?", she laughed.  
  
"Tell me why you're smiling first!", James widened his grin if it was possible.  
  
"I am cause you are so cute."  
  
"Well then ask me why I am!", James hopped on one foot and then the other.  
  
"Did Sirius drug you again?"  
  
"What? No! Today's our 5th month anniversary!"  
  
Lily beamed at her boyfriend. She didn't think he would remember especially with the upcoming match against Slytherin.  
  
"And I have a surprise for you…but I'm gonna have to blindfold you first.", James whispered excitedly.  
  
"What's going on?", Remus strolled upon them.  
  
James choose that moment to study his mud-caked sneakers with surprising interest.  
  
In the past weeks since Remus came clean with Lily about his monthly urges (a/n: as a female I sympathize greatly dear Moony.), the two of them had bonded even closer than before. Whereas before they seemed like brother and sister, it was now as if they had a tighter bond than even that title. The consequences were that James had actually started to feel nervous when trying to whisk Lily away for an evening of kissing after hours.  
  
Luckily, before James could mumble anything, Sirius ran past Remus and tackled Lily. They all stared at him while he sobbed like a baby.  
  
"Your-evil-man-ruined-designer-shoes-mud!-hates-pink-let's kill him.", Sirius clutched Lily's shoulder and muttered darkly.  
  
"Tough day of practice?", Remus cocked an eyebrow playfully.  
  
Sirius pointed a dramatic finger towards James.  
  
"He's TRYING to kill us Moony! I think someone kidnapped my Jamsey and replaced it with a-a-a….MEANIE POO!", Sirius spoke seriously but they others cracked smiles.  
  
"Meanie poo?", Lily giggled and shook her head.  
  
"Wait a minute, where were you taking Lils?", Remus wheeled to face James suddenly.  
  
"Well Moony, it's our 5th month anniversary…and", He trailed off as Remus stared unblinkingly at him.  
  
The two of them stood like that for a minute in silence. There was a tentative air around James as he looked to Lily for a rescue.   
  
"Rem, we'll be out just a bit.", Lily grabbed her cloak and dragged James away from the awkward scene.  
  
"DON'T STAY OUT TO LONG!", Remus called shrilly.  
  
"We won't!"  
  
"AND REMEMBER SEX EQUALS MARRIGE EQUA-", Lily slammed the portrait closed.  
  
"Honestly, he's getting way to over protective.", James sighed and leaned against the wall.  
  
"It's because it's almost time for, well, YOU know.", She looked at him.  
  
"What has that got to do with anything?"  
  
"What do animals do to their siblings and such James? They protect them very carefully… with violence usually.", James tried to picture one of his best friend's lunging at his throat and the image disturbed him.  
  
"Oh don't worry, as long as we don't snog ourselves breathless in front of him it should be fine.", She leaned into him comfortingly.  
  
"Okay.", James said unsurely. "Let's go then."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"If I told you then it wouldn't be a surprise!", James smiled happily to himself.  
  
"You didn't say it was a surprise so that doesn't coun-", She was cut off when he grabbed her hand and dashed down the corridor.  
  
"I forgot to get my cloak, so we'll have to run!", James panted as he skidded around a corner.  
  
"JAMEESS SLOW DOWN!!", Lily squealed.  
  
****************MEANWHILE IN THE COMMON ROOM********  
  
"Hey guys!", Peter sat down next to Remus who was glaring at the portrait and saying odd threats under his breath.  
  
"I suppose you thinks it's okay that he takes her out and leaves her unprotected!", Remus snarled at Peter who backed away from him and bumped into Sirius.  
  
"WATCH OUT WORMTAIL!", Sirius shoved Peter away. (a/n:: TAKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE…I mean ::ahemJ )  
  
Sirius had erected a little shrine for his shoes. It had a little gravestone and Sirius had been mourning ( wearing a black dress he borrowed from an apprehensive 6th year) until Peter stepped on the grave and ruined the moment.  
  
"Erm..I'm sorry?", said Peter as he looked at the dress.  
  
"Want to mourn with me?", Sirius wiped a tear away.  
  
"Raincheck me."  
  
****************With the young Hooligans again********  
  
"Okay, here we are!", James grinned as he undid the blindfold he put on a few minutes ago.  
  
"Where exactly are we?", Lily stared at the dark room curiously.  
  
"Honeydukes, actually the cellar in Honeydukes to be precise.", James said gleefully.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Honeydukes, we are INSIDE Honeydukes.", He looked at her oddly.  
  
"Oh shut up, I know that…I mean…how..what?", Lily trailed off as she inspected a large crate of sugar quills.  
  
"Happy Anniversary!", James handed her a giant slab of chocolate.  
  
She took it but gave him a thoughtful look.  
  
"Dear…"  
  
"Yesph humney?", James shoved several peppermint toads in his mouth at once.  
  
"This stuff doesn't belong to either of us.", Lily took his hand as if talking to a toddler.  
  
The slightly cocoa perfumed air was still for a minute as James swallowed hard. He stood up and grabbed Lily in a fierce hug.  
  
"We pay of course! Always, after we gorge ourselves with this stuff," he waved his hands at the numerous boxes, "We just shove it in the cash register and no one's the wiser!".  
  
"Oh…well then, I suppose this isn't stealing…", Lily still had a slightly doubtful look but it slowly faded to a grin.  
  
*************BACK TO YE OLDE COMMON ROOM******  
  
"Yo ho ho! A pirate's life for MMMMEEEEEeeEEEE!!!", Sirius sang at the top of his lungs (a/n:: can you sing from the bottom?), while standing on top of a table. (a/n: can you stand on the bottom?)  
  
"What the hell are you doing now?", Remus sighed and ran his fingers through his sandy hair tiredly.  
  
"I'm singing my swash buckling songs.", Sirius said as if this was a perfectly ordinary hobby.  
  
"Can you sing it somewhere other than on top of my homework?"  
  
"Arg matey."  
  
"Was that a yes or no Padfoot?"  
  
"Arg."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Arg.  
  
"No?"  
  
"Arg."  
  
"You leave me no choice.", Remus sighed as he whipped out a very battered wand.  
  
"Well shiver me timbers! This is mutiny!", Sirius lept off the table and did an odd jig dance involving several breakdance moves and a whole lot of leaping.  
  
"Padfoot, you need help."  
  
"Arg."  
  
*******************************END**********  
  
Holy hell that chapter made no sense….but uhhhhhh too bad! It took me so long to write this because I was stuck, went on vacation, came home and got stuck again, went on another vacation, crashed my computer, decided I needed more vacation, and then generally slacked off overall. But ::shrugs::  
  
It has come to my attention that A. My story is compromised of mostly dialogue, B. It has no real character definition or depth, C. The plot is scattered and very used (so far), and D. I don't give a fuck. ::grin:: Because all I want to do ALL day EVERY day is write nonsensical chapters about Sirius with some smut thrown in haphazardly! YAY!  
  
Oh and I promise to all you perverts ( ::looks at self in mirror: ), that Lily and James ( Jeez I type their names so much) will get into some ::cough:: interesting scenarios soon….AND I LOVE YOU!…Even if you don't love me back it doesn't matter! If you flame me that means you care! And if you care, I care!   
  
::Sirius walks out::  
  
"And I care too!"  
  
Here at Stripping for James we rely on positive values and moral support!  
  
::puts arm around Sirius::  
  
"So join us today and learn about the special discount rates for you sanity!"  
  
::both grin::  
  
Because a happy future…..  
  
"Is one that has no meaning!" 


	6. Oh Woe is me::sob::

The Return Of The Keytar-Playing Author  
  
AUTHOR NOTES:  
  
::walks in and looks around nervously::  
  
Well, here I am again…about A YEAR since I last updated….Do I have any fans anymore ::looks into audience:: OHHHH I hope so!!!!! ::insert deranged laugh here::  
  
If I get any new readers, they'll have to read ALLLLLLL the other chapters before getting here. And in some strange way that gives me great satisfaction!  
  
So….DUE TO THE FUCKED EVENTS OF THE FIFTH BOOK….I mean, due to slight changes in what I envisioned the OOTP to be…My baby Sirius is with us no more. I cried my damn eyes out. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR IT, NONE!!!! I mean, J.K.Rowling must have hidden plans for Siri…..  
  
Let's observe a moment of silence for my lover and (hopefully) yours. ::silence::  
  
::snicker interrupts silence::  
  
Oh not you!  
  
::Sirius pops up from behind::  
  
"What's all this about?"  
  
Nothing! Nothing at all! ::tries to cover up shirt with RIP Padfoot on it::  
  
Anyways everyone (which is probably two people), enjoy this extremely nonsensical chappy!  
  
~Chapter Five Billion plus A Breakdancing Boy-o~  
  
James was sitting in another boring Headboy/Headgirl meeting with all the prefects. Lily's speech on the color coordination of the upcoming dance was so boring that he actually started to drift off to sleep…..  
  
"MMmmmMmmm….."  
  
"James? James wake up!", he heard a voice call but he was so comfy.  
  
"JAMES!!", someone was shaking him.  
  
"NO GRANDMA, REMUS CAN'T EAT KITTY SOUP!", James snorted and opened his eyes.  
  
Everyone was staring at him with an odd array of expressions. The girls in the back had broken into giggles, the Slytherin boys were eyeing him with suspicion, and everyone else was just plain amused. Everyone except for Lily that is.  
  
"Meeting adjourned.", Lily said promptly not taking her eyes off James.  
  
The prefects filed out in pairs and groups until only they were left. One Hufflepuff girl could still be heard grumbling about how "lemon and lilac can't be the official ball colors".  
  
James stood up and fixed his crooked glasses. Lily stared. He brushed back his hair and stretched a little. Lily didn't budge.  
  
"What is it Lil?", James asked in a slightly less confident voice than he'd liked.  
  
She folded her arms across her chest slowly and forced eye contact.  
  
"What is it with you James? This is the third time you've fallen asleep in a meeting.", Her voice had a chill to it that James dreaded.  
  
"Well color combo's don't make me wet my seat with joy.", He attempted a coy smile but he could see that she wasn't going to take the bait that easily.  
  
"Don't try that on me, I'm serious. These past weeks you've been somewhere else, I mean that physically and otherwise. I needed help ordering the decorations and you were nowhere to be found so Remus had to step in, Dumbledore calls us for a meeting and you come 20 minutes late, Peter got attacked by some Slytherin boys and you weren't there so me and Remus had to carry him to the infirmary with leeks growing out of his ears- The list goes on, shall I continue?"  
  
James swallowed with a sickly feeling erupting in his stomach. He knew there was no easy way out of it this time.   
  
"So, where have you been?", Lily surveyed him with more of a tired look than the icy one James imagined.  
  
"Thinking.", he shifted uneasily.  
  
"About…?"  
  
"Stuff.", he said lamely.  
  
"Well, good thing we cleared that up. Thinking about stuff, what an out-of-the-box idea huh? When you feel like talking, because that's what you do in relationships James, you talk to each other-" Lily pointed to the both of them. " I'll be in the Common Room with Remus deciding on what colors to have for the ball!".  
  
She picked up her bag and walked briskly out of the room.  
  
"Damn it…..", James slowly leaned down and picked up his books one by one.  
  
**************************************************  
  
"Watch me Rem!", Sirius begged.  
  
Remus gave a long sigh and looked up for the thousandth time. Sirius was trying out new moved for a group he invented called "Slammin' With The Siri-Nizzle, Fo Shizzle!". Apparently it was a break dance group that danced to 50's rock songs. The only students to join were two frightened first years that Sirius pounced on and tied to a chair so they could "critique" his performance.  
  
"Okay, what do you want to show me now?", Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose impatiently.  
  
"Just a little thing called…", Sirius paused for effect and threw his hands up in the air and twirled around. "…SIRIUS-LY KICKASS!"  
  
"Oh dear god, you've gotten weirder.", Lily shook her head sadly and sat down next to Rem.  
  
"Check it out Lil! Me and my dance group", he pointed towards the scared-beyond-their-wits boys who were now flailing frantically to get out of the bonds, "Are going to blow everyones faces off at the ball when we preform!"  
  
Lily stared at him with no change of expression.  
  
"Because…you love me so much and you're Head so you get to pick the dance group…", Sirius' turned on his puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Sirius, just to be real clear we already hired a singing group.", Lily tried to look sorry that she missed the opportunity to book Sirius' group.  
  
"But-but-but….my hopes and dreams were pinned on that one s-s-special niggggghhhhtttt!", Sirius broke into tears and ran up to his room.  
  
"It was a tough decision but someone had to make it.", Remus put his hand on Lily's shoulder jokingly.  
  
"Oh I know, Rem.", Lily leaned her head on Remus' arms and closed her eyes.  
  
James walked through the portrait hole and stared at the two of them. Lily didn't move and Remus glanced uneasily between them. He had a vibe that something wasn't right with them for awhile , but now he knew for certain things were amiss.  
  
"Going to bed." James muttered and walked up the stairs to the boys dorms.  
  
"Be there soon.", Remus called after him.  
  
************************************************  
  
The Gryffindor's table was fairly gloomy the next morning at breakfast. Everyone picked up Lily and James' mood and silently ate their food, save for the occasional person to try and lighten thing with a joke.   
  
On about his fourth spooning of porridge Peter sat down next to James. It had been so long since James had talked or looked at Peter that he only just realized Peter had a small green pin on his school uniform.  
  
"What's that for?", James asked half-heartedly while monotonously shoveling in more porridge.   
  
"I-erm-…well the upcoming match against Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff is coming…and well Lucious was handing these out-", Peter was cut off when the whole of the Great Hall gasped at the entry way.  
  
Sirius had finally come to breakfast. Only instead of his uniform, he was wearing a tight pink shirt with the words "DISCO FEVER, FO SHIZZLE!" on the front. Instead of his black pants he had spandex pearl-colored short-shorts and 60's mod boots on.   
  
The Great Hall was silent. Sirius snapped his fingers and two little first years ran in the Hall with a *magical* boom box. They pushed play…..  
  
"I'm to SEXY for my Shirt! So SEXY it hurts!" , blared throughout the Hall as Sirius began a series of flips and breakdancing dancing steps that included several Micheal Jackson "WOOOOS!" from him.  
  
As the tape ended Sirius turned his back to the audience so they saw his shirt say "I'M SINGLE- LET'S MINGLE!" on the back.  
  
"WELL?! Did it melt your faces off?!!", Sirius yelled to the Great Hall that was filled with an air of disbelief.  
  
Slowly one Ravenclaw boy stood up. He started the slow clap.  
  
Clap. Clap. Clap.  
  
Then Dumbledore started in.  
  
Clap!Clap!Clap!  
  
Before anyone knew what was happened EVERYONE was clapping their hearts out to the joy of Sirius.  
  
Dumbledore leaned over as if to bow to Sirius- but instead picked up his wand!  
  
"TRANQUILFENDO!", Dumbledore shouted and a dart shot out of his wand and headed straight into Sirius' neck.  
  
Sirius slumped to the floor.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Author Notes: AHAHAHAHAAHA! Betcha weren't expecting THAT! AHHQAHA)AHAHAHA! So obviously I'm trying to get a feel for the characters again- basically this means that this chapter is crap. But I LOOOOOVVVEEE YOU! So have a heart and review! 


	7. Showers and Attempts at Plot

Chapter 1-2-3-4-Can I Have A Little More?  
  
AUTHOR BLAH BLAH BLAHblah  
  
Woohoo! I'm back! And hey, it was only 3 months since my last update. Compared to the other long stretches of fanfic-lessness (ooh a new word), I'd say that's not to bad. But I'm back again with more promises to update more often and please forgive this lame chapter because I'm desperately trying to bang some plot in here.  
  
And that's proving to be a pain in the-  
  
"Ass?"  
  
SIRIUS!!! I missed you so much! ::hugs::  
  
"I am such a pimp."  
  
Yes, yes you are. Shall we continue onward with the chapter? I know there's some SEXY KICKASS REVIEWERS who keep writing asking why Dumbledore shot you in the neck.  
  
"Yeah, that was a evil thing to do…WAIT! Is Dumbledore turning into Satan?!"  
  
Yes, you are sooo smart.  
  
"I knew it! I fucking rule!"  
  
Try to enjoy the chappy everyone ::tackles Sirius and wrestles::  
  
Everyone stopped clapping as they stared at the fallen figure previously standing as Sirius. Dumbledore motioned calmly for everyone to sit down. Once majority of the students were (excluding Remus, Peter, James, and Lily who rushed to Siri's side), Dumbledore begin to speak:  
  
"It might be shocking to some of you that I have chosen to tranquilize a student. But I must remind you all that breakdancing is against Wizarding Law number 45.8, Section 80. This law was passed in 1900 for some reason I cannot explain. Any student that is found break dancing outside of Hogwarts will most likely get expelled."  
  
"What the fuckin' hell?!", James stared at Dumbledore not knowing weather to laugh or question the sanity of the situation he was in.  
  
"Who would outlaw breakdancing?", Remus helped pull Sirius off the floor with James's help.  
  
"Poor Sirius, he never knew what was coming.", Lily patted his back.  
  
They walked up to the Common Room with Peter trailing a little behind them. James and Lily were still having issues, and they barely talked to each other the whole way up. Instead, it was left to Remus to keep a pathetic conversation about owl droppings going.  
  
"I'll bring him up with Peter.", Remus motioned to the smaller boy once all of them had reached the Boy's Dormitory stairs.  
  
While they carried up a now mumbling-in-his-sleep-Sirius ("That's right Mr. Giraffe, get all the marmalade off."), Lily and James stood awkwardly.  
  
Lily had just started to say something when James cut in.  
  
"I'm sorry. I mean, for whatever it was I did. I've been thinking a lot recently, about us. Actually, about almost everything. What to do after Hogwarts, where to live, and stuff like that. I've just been caught up so much in our future, that I didn't really pay attention to the present.", James bit his lip as he finished.  
  
Lily was silent for a bit, which gave James sufficiently enough time to panic out of his mind.  
  
"Our future?", she finally whispered.  
  
"Er…yes?", James thought he heard hints of tears in her words.  
  
"Oh James!", Lily flung her arms around his neck, "I'd thought you were loosing interest in us. I mean, oh I don't really know what I mean. I'm just so glad that we aren't mad at each other anymore."  
  
James pulled her back a little so he could look into her eyes, "I was never mad at you."  
  
"I know I just-", Lily was cut off by the return of Peter and Remus.  
  
The Next Morning  
  
"Rise and shineeeee!"  
  
"No no no…five more minutes Mom.", James buried his face farther into his pillow.  
  
"NEVER! SLEEP IS FOR MORTALS!"  
  
"Mom?", James looked up bleary-eyed. "Oh it's just you Padfoot."  
  
"Yes it's just me Padfoot, almighty god of the universe.", Sirius cackled.  
  
"And me, Lily, almighty goddess.", James opened one eye and stared at the foot of his bed.  
  
Lily was sitting there, already dressed holding a long roll of parchment. Sirius was grinning from ear-to-ear possibly having brain damage from hitting the floor last night. James propped himself on his elbows.  
  
"Sweetie, what are you doing up so early? It's Saturday.", he rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Yes I know it is, but the dance is in 6 days James! SIX DAYS! We have a billion things to do.", she started to read off the parchment, " 7 A.M.- Meeting with Professor Mcgonagall to discuss the dance theme. 8 A.M.- Call Honeydukes and arrange prizes for the dueling competition. Oh yeah, me and Remus decided to have a dueling thingy so all the prefect boys could get there fill of blood for the evening. 9 A.M.- Meet with Dumbledore to discuss price estimations…."  
  
James moaned and tried to draw the covers over his head as the list went on and on.  
  
"So that leaves you with about…5 minutes to take a shower and get dressed.", Lily finished reading the days activities.  
  
" Five minutes, but that's not enough time!", James whined while watching Sirius practice ballet moves (his new dance group would be an all boy ballet group called The Pink Pansies.).  
  
"Well I can help you wash your back.", Lily grinned mischievously.  
  
"Me too!", Sirius yelled while landing a jumpy twisty thingy. (a/n: I am so good at descriptions.)  
  
"Is that a promise?", James jumped out of bed suddenly energized and dragged Lily into the bathrooms.  
  
The stepped in and locked the door and started a nice hot shower. James proceeded to strip down as he motioned for Lily to do the same. She tentatively took off her robe, and overshirt. By the time she had gotten to her skirt, James was almost stark naked.  
  
"We only have 5 minutes so you might want to hurry.", James growled lightly staring at her lustfully. (a/n: Oooh!…Sorry I'll stop being immature. ::Sirius runs in:: "Ooooh!")  
  
"Okay, I'm just a little shy and all. You know, standing naked. ", she blushed but slipped off her skirt and underwear.  
  
"This is now officially the best fucking day of my life.", James grabbed her into a hug (a/n: a NAKED hug ahaha) and they stood like that for awhile.  
  
"Are we over the nakedness yet? Because I'm freezing.", Lily giggled into his chest.  
  
"By all means my nude lady! Into the shower!", James lead her into the steamy oasis (a/n: I'm really cold right now, so warmness seems like a pretty lovely oasis to me. ::grin:: Last interruption I promise.).  
  
Lily kissed James for the first time in a downpour of water. He eagerly (she could ::ahem:: tell) wanted to make this a first time for something else, but she had a schedule to keep.   
  
"Mr.Potter, I do believe we should soap you up, lest we be late.", Lily grabbed a bar of soap and lathered up his arms.  
  
"I'd rather be late and enjoy this moment.", James pushed her against the shower wall and kissed her fiercely.  
  
"Mmm, but Mcgonagall's waiting…"  
  
"Fuck her.", James moaned softly in Lily's ear.  
  
7 Minutes Later  
  
James and Lily sat in Mcgonagall's office. James was glaring at the Professor every chance he got and staring over woefully at Lily. They had cut their little shower interlude brief to keep this damn appointment, which in James' opinion was a very bad idea.  
  
"So it'll be famous couples for the theme.", the Professor jotted it down.  
  
"Yep, we couldn't really think of any other ideas.", Lily was shuffling assorted papers for their next appointment.  
  
"Alright, I'll see you two later.", They got up to leave.  
  
"Oh and James…", The Professor called him back.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why have you been glaring at me for the last hour? I don't remember docking any points lately.", She was smiling as she said this and James had the creepy feeling she knew what had gone on earlier.  
  
Repressing his shudder at the vision of all the professors standing around watching him and Lily in the shower, James shrugged and walked off.  
  
AUTHOR MUMBLEYS  
  
So another chapter, another attempt at plot.   
  
I'm FREEZING to death. Brrrrrr. So leave me some lovin. I promise to do better next chapter.  
  
And I Lovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you. 


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